For some reason I have a huge heart and I’m always willing to give my all to any and everyone. Well mostly those closest to me. However, as good as this may seem there are so many problems attached to it. See, putting my feelings on the back-burner and dropping anything I’m doing to help someone in need, bites me in the derrière every single time. Lately, I’ve been having the urge to cut off anyone who takes my kindness for weakness- and not as a sense of revenge (as my best friend thinks) but for my growth. See giving my all to others has me completely spent out, I feel I do not have anymore to give… to myself!

Here is a short story.

I wouldn’t say I was dealing with this guy, we just cared about one another deeply and had that relationship where people would often question, “and you guys aren’t together because?”. Well we’ve know one another all through our college years, lived close to one another back at home so spending time was easy. Laughed, spoke about everything and just understood one another when no one else did (sounds perfect huh?). Anything he needed I was there with no questions asked, no matter the time. I even got out of my bed at 6AM once. Tuhhh.

Talk about spending myself.

Fast forward to the present and one day I asked him to keep me company and I received no quality time and an excuse I did not care to hear. I was furious! Furious more so at myself rather than him because this was not the first time. How was it that I knew I wasn’t getting the same in return, I knew I should have stopped giving him my all but most of all I knew I should have nipped this in the bud! But I was afraid to not have him in my life. Then there was that one day I sat on my bed and felt like those strong black women in my favorite movies and I screamed out “I am tired of this sh-” (okay, I screamed it in my head). But that’s when I decided to send a straight forward text saying, “OVER. THIS”. And yes with each of those periods because they symbolized that I was through, for good!

Now I am going to admit that I did regret how I said it and my college friends are probably reading this saying, “I told you so”, but it needed to be said and needed to be done for the first time,

for me.

I cried until I fell asleep but when I woke up the next morning I realized something: that “girl, no man is worth your tears”!

But it did feel good to cry and let it all out, because again it was something I got to do, for me.

Liandra