The older I get, the more I realize how important self-love is. If I could go back ten years ago, I would tell myself to be kinder, more patient, and much more compassionate with myself. Self-love is vital to our self-preservation in the most crucial ways, as both emotionally and physically we need to have somewhat of balance for smooth sailing. If you keep rowing on one side and slack off on the other, you’re just going to be running yourself in circles.
I’m a compassionate lover. Many people would probably call me an enabler if I didn’t have a streak of authoritarian. My nickname at work is “Mama Leslie”. My idea of loving and caring for people is trusting people (within reason), being available to be their venting post, holding their hand when they need it, and bringing them up where society pulls us down. However, I don’t do the same with myself. I give myself pedicures, exfoliate daily, treat myself to material things and food that I like, and take care to not get sick, but I realize that I focus less on the inner me. Why do I need to be in Child’s Pose during my hot yoga class, with tears streaming down my face (that I hope can mask for sweat trails, unfortunately because I’m not kind enough with myself to let myself cry), to realize that it’s always got to be me first? In a society that plays us against each other, especially women (and even more so women of color), it’s definitely not hard to find the faults that allow us to figure ourselves unworthy. We shouldn’t have to be on the doorstep of a breakdown to make sheepish requests at mental and emotional health.
The affirmation of not needing a reason to be kind to yourself, to love yourself, is a powerful one. It’s also one we put aside too often. Somewhere along the way with society’s evolution, we skewed “me first” from the person to the perception of the person; it’s time we take that back. It is time that we start putting mental health and emotional well being above looks and money. There’s enough negative energy out there without you becoming a concentration point for it. So please, love yourself. That guilt? Right it. If you can’t right whom you think have been wronged, work at making yourself better. Seek out help for that depression. Invest in what makes you calm and beautiful on a deeper level. Maybe throw a little meditation into your day or some other form of both relaxation and centering technique.
Love yourself in ways that Chanel and La Perla will not even scratch the surface. You are your number one. If you can’t support yourself, who you spend the most time with, how are you going to survive? Work on that now, before it comes back to eat you later.
leslie nikole is a linguistics major who considers herself a reader before a writer. she hates capitalizing letters and has a vague sense of grammar.
__________
Image Source: “In Print”, Vogue UK, April 1995
