My mom and I have never had the kind of mother-daughter relationship one usually sees on television or in the movies.
She didn’t teach me how to cook. She didn’t teach me how to drive. We never went on any ‘mother-daughter dates.’ She never sat me down to talk to me about boys or heartbreaks.. or even sex. She never met any of my ‘boyfriends.’ She never talked to me about college or my career goals; heck, the only time I can recall her even remotely paying any attention to my schooling was when I happened to bring home a bad grade. I’d honestly be surprised if she even remembers what my major is. The day I told her I had landed an internship with The Source, I never even got a ‘Congratulations!’ or an ‘I’m proud of you!’ The most she could muster up was an, ‘Is it out of state?’ In addition to everything stated above, we never talk on the phone and we usually one see one another when I drop by her house to link up with my sister.

I really do wish she and I had a better relationship, but sometimes I honestly feel like she resents me.. resents me because I’m not tied down at a young age like she was. Resents me because I don’t have any kids to raise and I am able to live my life without any restrictions, without anything or anyone holding me back.

I remember her once telling me that I was never a warm child when it came to her and that my sister had been. Because of this, I feel like she played the favoritism card with us. She made it clear who her favorite was out of the two of us; she always told everyone that my sister was her “right hand” and that she didn’t know what she would do without her. Now, in no way is this bitterness on my part if that’s what you’re thinking. I mean, I was always a child that kept to myself and I never needed nor did I ever care for attention. But what kid wouldn’t have liked to be able to share a bond with their parents? When I ran track, never did I once see her at a track meet. When I played basketball, she showed up to one of my games at the very end, only because my siblings and I had to be somewhere afterward. I never expected her to attend any of my meets or games, though. Still, it would have been nice.

Anyway, when I moved back from Sacramento I really felt as if our relationship had progressed. Then, it took a turn for the worst. I moved back in with her only for her to end up kicking me out about four months after being back. She told me that I was selfish and unpleasant to be around, even though I normally stayed in my room and she was always out and about to begin with. A lot of the time our relationship feels so forced, you know? It shouldn’t have to be like that, especially between a mother and daughter. Nowadays, when we do see one another, I never really know what to talk to her about and I find that to be so sad.

Despite how forced our relationship feels, though, I can’t just fathom the thought of giving up on trying to better it.
After all, you only get one mother.

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Antionette Latrese
Twitter // FAWF posts by Antionette Latrese

Image Source: Tracee Ellis Ross with her mother Diana Ross