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Girl, I got a little experimental in the beauty section last month and stepped outside of my comfort zone. I. BOUGHT. A. BOX. OF. TAMPONS. Yes, my first box and I was like extremely nervous. I mean, I’ve always wondered how they worked and seeing as though I’m trying to be 100% about this grown woman life, I figured I might as well give them sticks a shot.

But let me tell you though, a few weeks later when Mother Nature rang on my door I was more ecstatic than anything. This was going to be the first time I ever used one and uhh…bruh, I just felt like I was going to become this new woman. I was going to upgrade from diapers to tampons. Like, you remember that rush you felt when you finally were potty-trained? Wait…don’t answer that.

Anyway girl, so I ripped open the box and removed one from the wrapper then proceeded to stick it into my va-jay-jay. I was so uncomfortable because I didn’t know what to expect. Once I finally got that thing in, I pulled up my panties and proceeded to do my normal Saturday cleaning around the crib. ‘Whole time I’m trying to clean, I feel this foreign object just sitting inside of me. I kept thinking to myself like….how the hell do these females wear these uncomfortable ass things? This must be how people get toxic shock syndrome. Maybe it takes some getting used to. 15 minutes later I was like, nahhh there’s no way this can be right. So, I went back to my normal joints, you know, my sanitary napkins or whatever.

After I went back to the pads, I decided to get on YouTube to see if I was inserting the tampon correctly. I was a little nervous for what I was going to see because, ain’t nobody got time to be lookin’ at somebody else’s private parts all in the name of using tampons. So, I clicked on this one chick’s video and…I definitely didn’t know that the plastic casing thing was actually supposed to be removed. I stuck that whole thing inside of me and was walking around the house. I was so freakin’ embarrassed. I mean, I guess I could have read the directions on the box but, who really reads directions anyway?

Girl, you promise you can’t take this anywhere. This has to remain between me and you.

Nneji