Loving a soul that won’t love you back is unbelievably heart wrenching but for some unknown reason it always seems incredibly hard to leave.

It’s tends to go like this: You open up to them; you show them the perfect parts but that wasn’t enough. Then, you thought you should go a little deeper and bring to surface all the wounds you’ve sustained. You’d speak about the good times, your victories, accomplishments and triumphs; the not so good times, your nightmares, previous sufferings and that piece of darkness that still resides inside of you. You’d think that after showing them the real, raw and unedited cuts of your life, it would make them succumb to the idea of possibly loving you. You’d think that your honesty would be the first step to forever with them. No. They just don’t and will never consider the idea. It isn’t because they do not want to; it is because of fear. They fear loving something that is already broken because they never got to see its true beauty as a whole. They fear not being able to bring those pieces back together. Maybe it sounds stupid but that is the only explanation I can give.

Loving a soul like him was inevitable for me but loving mine was a notion of despair. What drew me closer was that the idea that he could still love me despite how broken I am. I fell in love with the idea and hoped it could only be true. There goes hope; my hope again. It always portrays itself to be “good” but really a disaster in disguise. It sets me up every time. When I love, I hope.

So here, I am loving him deeply; here he is, watching my heart bleed instead of closing the wound with his love. I tried everything to get him to love me. Still, he lived in fear that he won’t find the strength to love my broken pieces.

Most would say “go, leave, and let it be.” Sounds cliché but it’s the best. You can’t force someone to love your broken pieces; they would never appreciate your beauty as a whole. To love you in your pain and hurt prepares them to love you when you are restored and light enters your life. How? It shows them the reality of your suffering. If they love you, they would try everything not to let you revisit that place of darkness. Even if it was unintentional, they would be equipped with the knowledge and experience to bring you back from the place that was demolishing you. So my advice to myself would be to leave, just leave. Don’t hate, just leave. With time, your pieces would eventually glue themselves back together. For they know, they can’t function alone. The heart is stronger as a whole.

Jada
Pitched Entry