Trust is like a valued treasure for me.

I admit, my ability to trust in the unknown has been compromised by past experiences. There have been instances where I’ve felt abandoned by those who I thought should love me the strongest, wrongfully judged by others who should have represented safety and refuge, and betrayed by those who had my whole heart.

Trust, at its crux, must be cultivated. It must be cherished and respected with high regard by all parties involved. Trust must be nurtured and viewed with gentle awe.

Trust should not be taken for granted; perceived to be insignificant & slight. It should not be discarded like chewed up bones left for the stray dog, or like garbage thrown into a dirty sidewalk trash disposal, surrounded by blackened chewing gum.

You cannot expect or demand me to trust you, when your handling of my trust is questionable, to say the least. Your perception of trust has been distorted. You earned my trust, and rather than cherish it, you chose to abuse it. So, am I now expected to value your trust in return? I guess my character will have to respond to that question…

The reality is this; your actions illustrate how you really feel about my trust. A clear picture is painted by dark colors of ones deceit and another’s misguided intentions.

Your actions have shown that trust was not held with similar regard or significance; so how am I to allow myself to trust again, when I don’t know for certain whether my heart will be safe in your hands? Whoever you may be…

It is at this juncture – where faith & uncertainty meets – that one is challenged to trust in the unknown. To make a conscious choice to allow their intuition and past experiences to guide their capacity to believe; to believe in the ability of another person, or even in a higher being for that matter.

To entrust my heart and soul into the arms of another, to care for with delicate and intentional assurance, requires me to believe without seeing. It requires that I learn from the past, and at times demands second chances; strengthening my ability to forgive and to take a leap of faith on ones character!

But you see, although I can forgive – once that trust has been compromised, how can it then be restored again? Whether it’s between parent and child, husband and wife, between friends or siblings, how does one restore trust in a relationship, when it has been broken like shattered glass? Forgiveness can be gifted to the hearts of those who require it, but trust…Trust is hard to renew. Like refurbished goods, it will never be the same as it was when in its original packaging.

As I journey towards the woman I dream up on the inside, I have now been challenged to trust in faith. I have been dared to have confidence in the unknown. To walk blind in a field of wild lilies rooted in a bed of uncertainty – and it’s hard.

As healing takes place and my eyes open daily to hidden truths smoldered in possibilities, I am challenged to trust in my faith. I am challenged to trust that everything in my life, up until this very moment, has been put in place for my ultimate good. So that when I finally found the courage to confront myself, I would be made whole. I would be complete in the woman I was created to be.

Everything in my life is purposed to mold me into this majestically matchless creature. Although others may have experienced similar feats, we have also endured and responded in our own ways, contributing to inimitable representations of self – reaching far and wide, across the globe. And so, I embrace this current journey to wisdom I have been chosen to partake in. I inhale the growth and maturities intended for me, and exhale all things holding me back from living my life to its fullest potential!

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S. Sonia is a Family Advocate by day, and a poet, writer and blogger by night. Belizean bread – one of her favorite past-time includes indulging in some good ol’ Caribbean cuisine. She uses her blog as an outlet & platform, hoping her journey can inspire Queens out of the shadows of their fears and into the light of their destiny. // @QueenInTheShdws