In a day and time when divorce seems to be so common and widely accepted in our society, one has to wonder, do successful marriages really exist? I look at my grandparents, who have been married for 55 years, and I have no choice but to say, YES! I look at how they’ve loved and stood by each other through it all, and just sit back in amazement.
But the key question then becomes, what is a successful marriage? And to me, a successful marriage requires two souls who are committed to one another and dedicated to putting in the work required to build a marriage, especially during the tough times (and trust, the tough times will come).
One key truth to remember is that the honeymoon phase will eventually come to an end. Once the sun sets on the warm sand nuzzled in-between your toes, as you overlook purple skies and salty ocean waves that is snuggling, great sex and sipping wine by a crackling warm fire – this is when the work really begins. Once you board the plane leaving behind doe-eyed conversations and long walks in the park, you land in the reality that is regretful mistakes, arguments and “he should know how I’m feeling – hell if I’m going to apologize when he’s the one that’s wrong”.
A successful marriage requires constant and effective communication; listening to your partner instead of thinking of what you’re going to say next and speaking over them. It requires you to be able to admit when you’re wrong rather than trying to save face. It requires you to approach your partner and apologize even when you may not have done anything wrong.
A successful marriage requires you to make your partners needs just as important as your own. It requires steadfast commitment and dedication to uphold the vows you made before God. It requires both partners to declare from the beginning that divorce is not an option, and they’ll do everything in their power to avoid making choices that may hinder that promise.
After 5 years of marriage, I’ve come to this factual conclusion. Are you ready for the golden nugget? OK, wait for it! Here it goes. Marriage is… HARD! For those of you who fantasize about marriage as being all fairy tales and one great big happily ever after, I’m here to insert a reality check into your perspective.
Now, don’t get me wrong, marriage[ has its perks. If you’re looking for that type commitment, marriage has the potential to introduce another level of love into your life. Life is no longer just about you. You are now able to share your world with someone who makes your heart smile. You are now one with that person who understands you and accepts you for who you are.
But on the other hand – in marriage, your will is tested. Your eyes are opened to the reality of what true love REALLY entails. True love is more than just words! It’s more than an emotion. It’s more than an adjective used to describe your feelings for me. It’s more than just the chills of lusting desire you feel aching beneath your shaft. Love is a verb – it’s an action word. It’s a decision. A conscious choice one makes to honor the connection between two souls. Love is constant, persistent, unceasing, everlasting, never wavering and unconditional. When you say you love me, you are saying I choose to love you even if you don’t – no matter the condition or state of our circumstances – I choose you! To love ME, unconditionally, is a choice!
Once you’re married, you learn that one’s feelings should not dictate or alter ones commitment to uphold their promise, to love. They elect to love with integrity. Reliable, through the roughest of storms and during the darkest of trials! You don’t run, seeking shelter from the discomfort or bitter feelings of regret. You choose to fight, to love!
Yes, successful marriages do exist! It just requires two people who are committed to one another on every level imaginable. But I will say this; never put yourself in a position to be consistently abused (mentally, physically or emotionally). Yes it is important to fight for your marriage. It will require a strong will and perseverance. But don’t fight to the point where you lose yourself attempting to hold on to a lie.
A successful marriage is hard to come by, but they do exist!
What do you think Wildflowers? Do successful marriages really exist?
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S. Sonia is a Family Advocate by day, and a poet, writer and blogger by night. Belizean bread – one of her favorite past-time includes indulging in some good ol’ Caribbean cuisine. She uses her blog as an outlet & platform, hoping her journey can inspire Queens out of the shadows of their fears and into the light of their destiny. // @QueenInTheShdws
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June 19, 2014
This article is very moving + you bring up some very valid points. I think a successful marriage is possible (or at least thats what I keep telling myself. However, I think that both people HAVE to go into it with the view points you’ve just discussed. Too many times people are not on the same page, not even the same chapter!
And what I’m not into, is living unhappy. So I would tell myself and any other woman that happiness (within reason, not people to be acting willy nilly on err damn emotion they have) is above all things. I say love hard, try hard BUT, if the situation is toxic, DIP. #YOLO.
But…I’m a lover at heart and I DO believe in the concept completely.
June 20, 2014
Marie – I completely agree with you when you say that happiness is important, but the reality is there will be unhappy times :-/ But like i mentioned above, if you’re being taken for granted or abused, and you’ve done all you can do – there’s no need to stay in a Toxic relationship (like you mention)
June 19, 2014
Great Article. The question lies are we built to keep a lasting marriage? or has society made the D-word so acceptable that it’s an option going in to marriage. I believe making a marriage work means surviving through the unhappy times. Most people forget that there will be unhappiness in a marriage, they become so selfish that they also forget marriage involves a vow before God.
June 20, 2014
Thanks Sara – And unfortunately, society has made the “D-word” acceptable, but I also believe that often times people enter a marriage without really thinking about the commitment and sacrifice it requires. So, sometimes, divorce unfortunately becomes an option. But when both spouses are not selfish – like you state – and work on building that lasting relationship…Sky is the limit!!!
June 19, 2014
I love this.. !!! I really hope that successful marriages still take place in 2014, because I am no where near even being in love or steps away from the alter. I totally agree with each and every statement made, I think when its my turn at love and marriage, I am most def going to say them exact word I am here till death do us part. I think that the problem is that two people are entering in a marriage with as you say the “fairy tale” view but your right more come with it ..!
_Bright
June 20, 2014
Thanks Alisha :) More does come with it aside from the expected fairly tale. But keep the faith!!! When your turn comes around, I’m confident that as you both keep your vows before you – Your marriage can & will flourish!!!