I feel silly about allowing an event invite more than six months knaw away at me. It’s the type of event you know you’re going to RSVP for, but not exactly thrilled to attend. The freedom I enjoy due to being child free now seems like a ticket to the outsider’s club. Insert name’s cutest moments will not be available to share on my Instagram profile. I’m still in my twenties but now senior meal deal slideshows are running through my brain. It’s time for my high school reunion.
After living in four different cities, I’m pretty far removed from the small town vibes where I grew up. Columbia, MD is right in between D.C. and Baltimore. The suburbanite fantasyland is a planned community where most people return after college and marry someone they grew up with. It’s a beautiful place to live, but I never intended on looking back once my high school chapter ended.
A decade after graduating high school, which I viewed as a prison cell, I’m trying to figure out why this future occasion has sparked anxiety. I’m happy to see everyone settle into their lives, most of them very much so by the book. But I guess other than the fact that my twenties are ending soon, an upcoming HSR has riled up my feelings about being childless, single, and still in the process of sorting out career moves. Limbo. Much like the transition period I went through at 17. That’s gotta be the source of my dread. It’s a reminder of that heavy sheet of awkwardness that blocked me from relating from the other girls that looked like me. I wasn’t looking forward to applying to the same college as my mother because she never finished. Never heard of pledging until my last semester of 12th grade. I had no clue what I wanted to do, and I suffered from chronic day dreaming. Keeping my head in a book and ears plugged with headphones led to being labeled an airhead with no direction.
When it’s all said and done, I walked across the stage and went off to school like the rest. There’s a relatable topic. No perm since 2008. I’m sure a few other sisters went natural by now. And if I could spit out “I don’t know yet,” with confidence in response to important life questions, I can definitely repeat, “I haven’t found that person yet,” until my face turns blue. I’ve always secretly wanted to live out Bridget Jones Diary like scenes. Plus I threw a few kick ass parties that can’t be forgotten. Should be a cakewalk right?
Comparing yourself to others only leads to unhappiness, but I guess we’re all a little guilty of it. But jealousy will definitely be absent. This self proclaimed hippie has always moved at her own pace and that’s okay. That gives me another decade to prepare for the next HSR. If it gets to be too much, I can always find a corner and whip out my headphones. Airheads can float away just like balloons.
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Laik
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