Please do not rob me of the pleasure to feel my tears because you cannot sit with the discomfort that echoes loudly in the pitch black room. I don’t care how intelligent you are or how many books you may have read, I will be impressed when you are simply courageous enough to walk into my temple when the lights are out and my soul bleeds a dark radiating river of gloom and hopelessness.

I am depressed.

I am not psychotic. I am simply wandering in life on the edges of the sea’s abyss where no one is brave enough to walk. My restless nights are a result of me longing to see the drunken sun rise above the horizon because my dreams no longer offer me solace. My anhendonia is a result of me finding a lack of pleasurable things to experience in this cold fruitless world. I cry sweet tears to bring life back into this desolate land. I am simply purging myself of my regrets, my trauma, my broken childhood, my pain, and my distorted self-perceiving views and for the dead. I am simply radiating in the midst of my darkness.

Depression isn’t about what I should be feeling — it is about what I am feeling in the moment. I need to know that as I lay under the distant silver moon in the dark night with my pain gravitating towards the island universe you can lie there with me, not holding me or interrupting the universe with your words but simply in silence, in peace and in comfort with my darkness.

I don’t need you to be afraid of me. I don’t need you to encourage me with your daily feed of inspirational quotes and Chinese proverbs. If you want to be there for me, tell me that you are willing to walk into my darkness and have a seat. Tell me that you are ready to listen to my heart skip a beat every time my lungs consume the poisonous air. If you want to comfort me, tell me that you are ready to listen to the beast that parades in my mind and be strong enough not to feel the need to tame it. I want you to show me that you can handle my brokenness.

Please do not touch me if you are not going to pour your soul into me, please do not open up your mouth to speak unless you are going to validate my experiences, please do not rob me of my ability to feel because you can’t handle my truths.

Come sit with me under the blood filled sun as we wait for the darkness to illuminate in the broken sky.
Let my darkness heal all of my wounds. I am depressed. I am human. Come walk with me in my darkness.

Minaa