BodyCon dresses are not my friend

Remember when Herve Leger bandage dresses first hit the scene a few years back? All the celebrities were rocking them and the regular girls were trying to figure how they could afford one. Hence, me cursing the person or person(s) that made the affordable version of the body conscious or better known as body-con dress.

What’s the problem

The problem is I cant find a curve on my body if I looked for it in the daytime with a flashlight like the old Usher song so cleverly stated. Curvy girls think they have problems but I think she might have 99 problems but a curve ain’t one. I could break out in full karaoke if you let me on this topic.

Girl, back in the day I used to at least have a butt. With the size of asses these days, if I was standing next to a Nicki Minaj type boot-ay forget about it! I would have to walk backwards out of the room just to keep from embarrassing myself. It’s a love hate moment with me and the curves that I wish I had. I don’t like women like that because I am strictly you know what but a shapely woman with curves in all the right places gets a silent nod from me. Don’t get me wrong — I got more than a handful of T & A for my man to hold on too…but I want more.

I want to have Dr. 90210 or some famous plastic surgeon on speed dial. I want a little sucked out, a little redistributed and a little added. Yup I said it. I want some more of that and less of this.

Is Something Wrong with Me?

Is something wrong that I am not happy with what God and my Mama gave me? Well, since I am being honest here my Mama didn’t give me much. Hell, I’m built like Halle Berry in comparison to my Mom. You know how Halle has just the right amount of good stuff?

I try hard to maintain my good stuff. So don’t think I just sit around and eat and then want things sucked out. Nope. I zumba several times a week until my knee starts making noises that sound closer to a rusty door than a body part. Then I drink fresh fruit smoothies everyday that resemble green puke as meal replacements. All of that and… I still want more of that and less of this.

Am I Going to Get My More of This and Less of That?

I want my more of this and less of that but am I really ready to put up or shut up? Meaning…am I ready to drop a few thousand dollars to build the body of my dreams? Honestly, I don’t know. I am haunted by the thoughts that we will never be perfect. Also, my thoughts are based on looking at dissatisfied women who had surgeries already. I don’t want to wake up and have an extra tit on my back or something crazy. I know that’s extreme, but my luck is like pulling the lucky number that’s not so lucky several times in a row. In addition to my extra boob nightmares, I think about how some people allow one surgery to snowball into others.

Maybe I don’t need to open Pandora’s box.

Thank goodness I am not a celebrity. Whew! We let them have it in our critiques. Suddenly, the celebrity that seemingly has the perfect body is getting a little more of that and a little less of this.

So my question is again…at the end of the day, a little more of that can be bought, but at what cost? The cost of my sanity and confidence tossing around if I need more done? The cost of a deposit on that butter leather seat Audi that I want? The cost of a few good pairs of shoes? There’s a cost for sure. A cost that I’m seriously weighing out in my head.

For now, I think I will keep secretly wishing the girl with the perfect body that walks past invoking a cool head turn of all the men in the bar trips just as she begins to sashay through the room. Haha ok ok…she only trips in my head and yes I’m a hater at times. I never said I was perfect but I think you know that by now.

My motto: to experience the joys of life day by day in a great pair of shoes and accept that we are all beautifully flawed.

Kim Turner