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Am I still a woman, even if I broke the code?
I mean he was mine first!
I only gave her what she deserved!
Thoughts rambling through my mind at 2am.
Am I the reason they broke up? Oh how ironic would that be?
Will he come back to me now?
Do I even want him back? Is this what I wanted all along?

He claimed he loved me and would never do anything to hurt me. But look what he’s done, turned me into a monster.
Betraying myself – the one thing I said I would never do: mess with a man who is taken.
But he was mine first! That’s the only way I can justify this affair.

He texts me saying how much he loves me and wants to be with me but when I log onto Facebook the first thing I see is a status dedicated to her. Yet, I somehow end up at his house. Knowing what I am doing is wrong. I fight. First him. Then myself. Until I somehow give in and end up in his arms.

The crazy part is I enjoy being with him. When I’m with him he makes me feel like I’m the most important thing in his world. He tells me how much he loves me and misses me, and I must admit, I miss him too. Everything he did seems to abandon my mind and I’m suddenly high off love.

The fact that he has a girlfriend slips my mind or at least I want it to. If this is the same girl that he cheated on me with, why should I even care? Clearly I’m the one he wants, why else would he still be hitting me up?

For some insane reason this all makes sense in my head. Until I leave his sight and I realize she doesn’t even know about me. She doesn’t know who I am and I’m sure that he’s telling her the same things he’s telling me. “Baby you’re the one I love.” I am so stupid, a fool, dumb, pitiful, just a sad case at love.

This phase has sunk me into a dark hole that’s hard to climb out of. I lost all confidence in myself. It’s not like I don’t know what’s right from what’s wrong. At this point I just want to have my cake and eat it too. Or is it that he wants to have his cake and eat it too? Am I feeding him with a spoon like a baby? Either way this situation isn’t right. I know I have to get out of it but I’m trapped.

Why do I do this to myself? Why is it so hard for me to move on from him? Why does love have to hurt so bad?

Tanesha
Pitched Entry