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I’m sitting here at the McCarran International Airport looking at a picture of myself from 2011. Then I begin to reflect on the me I no longer recognize..

That girl wanted to be everything that she believed created happiness. Louboutins, Louis Vuitton, $150 pair of jeans, honey you couldn’t tell her nothing! She used to feel like the only way to be successful was by carrying that Louis bag and wearing those Louboutins that she so desperately wanted. So bad so, that she didn’t pay her car note for months because she was trying to save up to fit in. She strived to stand out in the crowd- to be the one everyone wanted to be like. Little did she know she was blending in and not standing out. She wasn’t the one being looked up to, she was looking up to others. So she got it – the Chanel, Gucci, and Movado – all the things a girl could ask for! She had an amazing job in fashion and a celebrity clientele and she always had her hair and nails done. Not to mention she always had on all of the latest fashions looks. Little did she know it was all a facade. She really was just an unhappy little girl trying to find herself. Wanting to be everything she saw on the internet and TV. She may have had the bag, but there was no money inside of it. She may have had the job, but she was living paycheck to payday loan trying to keep up with the Jones’ and she drove her car with fear deep inside because the repo man was out looking for her.

So I’m sitting here wondering how this could have been me. How could I not see the hole I was digging myself into? My mom and family tried to catch me before I got in too deep but it was too late. See, when you’re living like that you can’t get out of the situation until you see it for yourself. Instead of doing what I was supposed to do (pay my bills on time, live within my means) I just had to have that bag and shoes. I just had to have all the MAC makeup in the store. I was willing to be evicted from my apartment because I wanted to eat Ruby Tuesdays and The Cheesecake Factory at every chance I could get.

So I’m sitting here about to board my plane to Georgia and before I get on I’m giving everything to God to handle. “Listen God, I know you have a plan that you’re working on. I am surrendering all to you, whatever I am supposed to be doing show me the way, guide me, and keep me covered.”

Now boarding Section B, Las Vegas to Atlanta.

I took one last look at that picture of my old self and threw her away. Yep! I literally threw her away. I got on that flight and I haven’t looked back. Finding myself has been quite the experience. I can now say that I am so happy with myself. I love the woman I have become because I have truly worked so hard to get here. I may not be where I want to be, but I am on the way!

Mahogani