The Dollhouse / The New Me Returning Home, After Years Away

Chamomile Tea, with four scoops of sugar, please. Sweet like juice, hot like morning. Just the right stuff to get me to where I need to be, when I’m wrapped up in my hand knitted blanket and gazing out of the rain covered window. Lights dimmed low, candles lit, and the sounds of old school R&B running wildly through the airwaves of my perfectly spaced room. Going on four years of living completely on my own and unlike days at my parent’s home, it’s quiet, fresh, and new. My mind is clear and I’m surrounded by all of the things that define me as a new being. No possible way to go back to the old childish thoughts or memories that once consumed and surrounded me. But in this room, not only have the components changed, but so have I. I’m quieter, I’m content, I’m more peaceful, I’m more disciplined, I’m more responsible, I’m realer. I’ve lived with myself and have given myself the opportunity to get to know me. I put myself in check, and tell myself when to jump and how high. So it’s no wonder why now, I seem as if I’m a stranger when I’m around the very same family that raised me and made me who I am, today. I’m young and fresh and constantly evolving, but they’ve became new when they first had me and still are the same. Not that there is anything wrong with that, I’m sure I won’t change much from this point to the next — but it’s hard to now introduce me to the people who [think they] know me better than I once knew myself. But I’ve changed and I’m now in tune with the new me. How can you prove to be better than who you were and meeker than what they [once] thought you were? Are you constantly marked with the Scarlet Letter of your past? Now, I’m not saying that I was worse than I am now– heh. But I’m far more mature, structured, and content. I’m the same Kimberly – lovable, outgoing, and ambitious. Constantly working — and working hard, at that. But my approach to life has changed. The very threads that created me are now older and stronger. The holes that have become ripped with time and experience have now been repatched, by me. The great lengths that once caused me to trip, now fit, as I have grown into them and learned how to maneuver around them. The very soul that God entrusted in me, has now been, and will continue to be, everchanging. I am more refined; on a continuous journey to master myself. I at times feel as if I am a stranger when I’m placed in situations that no longer are a part of my life. With living and being by myself, my household is at peace — there’s never an argument here, never a fight, never any drama. There’s just daily to do lists and conversations with self. Weekly meditations and constant writings in journals. Scrapbooking and recipe conquering. Running and constant scenery driving. I’m realizing now that it’s time for me to take this new me and interact with others and with the many situations that life may throw at me. This week has taught me, that the real test of self is remaining true to the core no matter where and when. We all have a story to tell-. There was once a journey through thunderstorms and rainshowers that brought us to the very place that we are today. But when you decide to escape on a journey to find the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, it’s important that you embrace the moment and embody all that you become on your journey there. That way, when you return home, wherever that may be, you never are without the treasure of your soul.

Kimberly
Creator of From A Wildflower