Is Miss Independent Misunderstood?
Not long ago I was browsing the internet and stumbled upon an article that highlighted the recent interview and photo-spread of a renowned athlete’s wife and her role as… well, his wife. I was a little curious about what she had to say because this woman has always stayed mum in the media. I always respected her “seen but not heard” demeanor because I admire a person who knows their position, knows who they are and accepts what and who they are not. This woman is legitimately the wife of an iconic basketball player- and not a basketball wifey, trify, girlfriend or sidepiece. In this day and age, if this woman wanted to be heard, she could probably reach out to any reputable news source and “talk yo ish, B”. But I always figured she was above the faux-reality socialism. And it’s quite possible that she still is.
When I read the article, she successfully dodged questions about any scandals and remained lengthy in her responses regarding her role as a full-time wife and mother to his kid(s). She touched up lightly on her extensive collection of designer clothing and handbags and claimed that she’s remained quiet all these years because she actually loathes the limelight.
I could dig it.
What came next though were the comments. Which were much more interesting than the article. The readers (I’m going to assume they were anywhere between 18-35, give or take) began to praise this woman more than I think she cared to be praised. They bathed the comment section with such remarks like “Yes, finally an article with a ‘real’ Basketball Wife!” or “It’s nice to hear from a wife who is positive” and of course the usual “Must be nice! I wish I could afford a handbag that costs as much as my tuition”.
Oh.
I began to read on in the comments to see if anyone got anything else from the article. And then finally there it was- the slither of hope for young female-kind disguised in the form of a comment.
The most well-received response on that site stated that although the article was “ok”, that they hoped in the next five years the pseudo-stardom that comes with being affiliated with an actual star would soon fade. The reader went on to say that promoting all these women who are famous simply for being with someone famous was sending the wrong message to young women everywhere and gave high school girls the impression that the key to lavish living lied in trapping a ball player and that college women were probably beginning to question their scholastic purpose due to frustration. The comment closed out with the reader saying that they were looking forward to talent and hard work being placed back on the high end of the media pedestal.
What happened after that was interesting. Someone commented afterwards saying that they saw nothing wrong with women aspiring to be housewives and marry wealthy. They also accused the woman who was simply anticipating the return of talent to television “right claim to fame” to independence as being a feminist. This comment was also well-received.
I frowned a bit. Granted, to each his own. Everything ain’t for everybody. But at the end of the day, to mistake the independent woman for that of a bra-burning, bitter female is eye-brow raising to the say the least. I personally feel that being a housewife is a personal decision that needs no media attention in particular. For centuries, women playing the role of Betty-Homemaker had been the only role they knew how to play and the only role they were allowed to play. And only until halfway through the 1900’s did the media give some shine to women being anything else but a mom or a housewife. When the Rosie-the-Riveter campaign launched in the 40’s, the government used media propaganda targeted towards women to glamorize the honor of taking the place of our factory workmen while their husbands, fathers and sons were off at war. When the men came back home, many of these women returned back to their homes as well and resumed their in-house duties. The revolution of the career woman would not be seen again until the 1970’s.
I have to give it to the beautiful Lucille Ball of “I Love Lucy”. When her sitcom was out in the 1950’s, she was actually the director and owner of the studios in which the show was released. “I Love Lucy” in my eyes was a parody of the ditzy, upper-class housewife. In reality, Lucy was a real life, mid-century boss and many knew that. The intro-credits made this clear.
By the time the 70’s came, not only were women working, they were starting movements (feminists) and the 80’s and 90’s was a time for many female actors, singers and entertainers to get their rightful shine on. Girl groups of all genres of music liberated our generation through the lyrical content of their songs (TLC, Spice Girls, En Vogue, Xscape, Queen Latifah, Salt-N-Pepa, etc.) and a slew of women hosted radio and television shows (Ricki Lake, Oprah, Angie Martinez and so forth). The voice of the female nation was growing strong. By the time the 2000’s rolled on in, even the dudes of hip hop and R&B could not help but to give us our props with back-to-back “independent woman” anthems celebrating the college girl and career chicks. And although you hear some of these anthems to this day (cues in Wale’s ‘Ambitious Girl’ Parts 1 and 2) many people find the term synonymous with a new type of ambition (ie: the gold-digger vs. the goal-digger).
Basically, up until recently if you wanted to be on TV or get any type of long-term press, you had to be a respected and reputable star in your own right. And if you dared release a tell-all book about your groupie-life, you were not celebrated for being open or “keeping it real” you were side-eyed for not keeping “it” closed to married men.
But now it seems that if you want to be on television, if you want a magazine cover and if you want acting roles, all it takes is a little camera time to air out your own laundry. You will then be revered for your hoe-nesty while also staying in the blogs long enough until we just accept your presence and forget your irrelevancy. Going to school or pursuing an actual career in acting by studying theater is considered outdated and viewed as a long-term and tedious investment that yields questionable results. And God forbid another woman has enough sense or guts to speak up and question the purpose of such a woman, for she will be shunned and deemed a “hater” for even doing so.
Perfect example of how it used to work if you were a basketball wife who got media attention: the beautiful Grammy-nominee singer/songwriter, Tamia Hill (“Officially Missing You”, “Stranger in my House”, etc). She’s been married to basketball player Grant Hill since the late 90’s. When interviewed, she was asked about her career and role as an entertainer. Unless it was a lifestyle-esque magazine, in which she was also asked about all aspects of her life. In Hollywood, she was Tamia- not “Grant Hill’s Wife” or baby mother.
Don’t get me wrong. I am all for celebrating the mother’s of the world but for decades all women were recognized as were being mothers and/or wives. I’m just saying- it might be nice to continue celebrating and telling the story of the multi-tasking woman who successfully juggles motherhood & the independent lifestyle in order to give our young women (and daughters for some of us) some awesome examples of the type of women they can be. Because truth be told, being a “basketball wife” is not a choice it is a chance, and not everyone gets that chance.
