Life, this present moment? I am still trying to figure out what’s going on.

It’s 7 and I am just rolling out of bed. You’d swear I have a late day at the office, because my alarm clock literally went off four times this morning and I didn’t budge. Ughhh, 10 more minutes I told myself.

It’s the first month of the year and though I thought I would have everything together for the new year – apparently I was fooling myself.

Last weekend, I listened to Myleik Teele. And every time my eyes opened this morning when my alarm went off, I remembered her saying ‘get up cause you’ve got work to do, sleep can come later’ but obviously my indiscipline got the best of me.

Mind you I should be at the office for 8:30. I have deadlines I didn’t meet last week and those I have to meet this week – which unfortunately have been taunting me all weekend.

My clothes, I have no clue what I will be wearing. And no, they are not ironed. Now I will have to spend time rummaging through a closet filled with clothes that don’t fit as they used to, thanks to this weight gain.

Well, Thank God I did my hair this past weekend, so that’s one less stress to the start of a ‘great’ morning, I said to myself.

Based on the rate I am going, I feel like I am setting up myself for failure. And I’m not saying that for you to sympathize with me.

First of all it’s Monday morning and though I’d love to boast that I am a regular ‘early riser’ who has her life together and has already completed my morning exercises, had breakfast and is feeling energized and ready to take on the world – that’s not quite the case.

I stayed up til 1 am working on my personal projects that I should feel accomplished about but I still feel like crap because this 9-5 is what’s giving me bread.

What the f- is happening in my life, I screamed and cursed at myself as I got ready for work.

Instead of moving at a pace at which a late person should, I am staring down my body in my misty bathroom mirror, searching for faults. Man, there’s a new love angle forming in my back. Heck, those stretch marks don’t seem like they are going any where soon. Obviously, that coco butter isn’t working as fast as I want it to, I mumbled to myself.

It’s now a few minutes to 8 and I am just about ready, but in all honesty I don’t feel 100% ready to take on the challenges of today.

My phone rings and its my co-worker calling.

‘Ready? I am about to drive by your house’
‘Sure, I am’

And to hell, even if I wasn’t I had to be. Thank God for angels, I whispered.

I am now slipping my feet into my shoes, only to realize my stockings have been torn – and nope there is no room for a pass. Damn, something just had to slow me down huh? I hurriedly rip that one off and slide into the other.

My co-worker is now at my gate and before I head out the door, I am throwing in my inspirational notepad and Joel Osteen’s ‘Every Day A Friday 90 Devotions’ book into my bag.

Before you know it, I am out the door and if it wasn’t for that God sent co-worker I’d be clocking in at 9:30 to start off my brand new week.

How messy is my life getting, I constantly ask myself.

As I sat at my desk, I grabbed my gratitude sheet from my cubicle wall and scribed, Day 21: I am grateful for ‘damn good God sent people in my life’, read my morning devotional, whispered a solid word of prayer – asking God to help me get my discipline and my life together, cause this is no way for me to live.

Carey