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Have you ever started to approach a man, then feel a strange pang of doubt? There’s always a little doubt with uncertainty, but this pang comes from something a bit different for women of color. I came across this article by blogger Sam Kasse, and it couldn’t help but get me thinking about my past dating experiences. Particularly one awkward high school experience that ended up shaping the way I viewed relationships and dating.

I was a senior in high school and I had been casually talking to this guy *Brandon. We sort of knew the same people (I don’t know what typical high school stereotype I fell into, but I had an unhealthy obsession with Trent Reznor and Kurt Cobain, laughed about Month Python and Fight Club, and I probably wore too much eye shadow and eyeliner). He seemed like a nice enough guy and I thought he was pretty cute, so I decided to see if I could start something. One night he picked me up so that we could go to a show where one of the local bands was playing (oh high school), and in the car I casually brought up the idea of us hooking up. I honestly don’t remember the exact words I said, but I clearly remember his answer.

“Uh…sorry I’m not really into black girls.”

BAM!

Here I was, obviously a bit too over confident about this guy’s interest in me, and he just casually told me he doesn’t like girls of my race like he was saying he didn’t like a certain flavor of ice cream. It’s not like race had never come up in past hook-ups, but his bluntness and attitude took me by surprise. I was pretty shocked, embarrassed, and damn powerful combination of hurt and confused, so we pretty much rode to the show in silence.

I didn’t really know what to say to him, and to be honest I don’t know what I’d say to someone now if they told me the same thing. People are entitled to their opinions, but you have to wonder why someone put women of your entire race in the no dating category. Could it simply be a matter of personal preference? It’s possible. Could this personal preference have been formed after years of seeing and hearing mainstream society’s negative perception of black women? That’s also equally possible. Like the woman in the original piece on Hello Giggles I haven’t let that stop me from pursuing someone, but I know what it feels like to wonder if the hot guy next to you dates people of your color.

I found a very nice man who clearly does date black women, so I haven’t had to dip my feet into the dating pool for a while. I’ve had friends wonder if the guy or girl they’re into dates their own race, from both my white friends and my friends of color. We certainly aren’t in a post racial society, but as it becomes more acceptable to date outside of our own race a lot of people are going to be asking themselves the same question Kasse was asking herself.

When it comes down to it you can’t really change what people think about you, and in this case it’s probably for the best. Would you really want to be with someone who seriously considered not dating you because of your race? Forget about the people who aren’t into you, there are plenty of others out there who think you’re wonderful the way that you are.

*Name changed to protect the innocent/unintentionally racist

Jen of Rebelle Mag
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