I hear so many women nowadays make the statement: “I have a career, my own house and car, I refuse to settle for anything less than I deserve.” I was one of those women. But what exactly is settling. Merriam-Webster defines “settle for” as “to be content with.” Every woman has a different idea or concept of what they will be content with. But is content a bad thing? Merriam-Webster defines content as “pleased and satisfied, not needing more.” The definition of content is positive but we seem to think of it in a negative way. There is nothing wrong with being content with a man or relationship. There is something wrong with being content with the wrong type of man or relationship. Again, many women have a different idea of what they will and will not allow. I am finding though that we as women are dismissing some men with core values yet allowing some men with money to disrespect our core values and justifying it with the statement: “I have my own career, house and car, I refuse to settle less than I deserve.” I’m not a saint or trying to pretend that I have not had my fair share of stupid moments but some things we should NOT settle for in men is cheating, disloyalty, physical and mental abuse and disrespect. Some other things can also be put in the mix yet I find us saying we will not settle for the littlest things such as “his sex isn’t that great” or “he wasn’t exciting enough for me.” I think all those things are great things a guy should have but it shouldn’t be what is the determining factor of why we decide to leave him. How much money he makes is important but what is MORE important is the grind he has, his ability to perform his duties as a man and the respect he has for you as a woman. Reality of life is that we will never be happy all of the time. There will be some boring and unhappy moments and periods. That is LIFE. Stop saying that you will not settle because you find yourself at a mediocre or unhappy moment. Marriages do not last anymore because too many people are looking for unlimited happiness when that doesn’t exist. Most importantly, a man will show you the real him from day one, BELIEVE what he says or the signs you see that isn’t pleasant to your eyes on day one. If he says he doesn’t want children or doesn’t believe in marriage, believe him. Do not think you will change him and when that doesn’t happen, you make the statement: “I have a career, my own house and car, I refuse to settle for anything less than I deserve.”
Image Source: “The Business of Style”, ELLE US, late 80s // Photographer: Victoria Hess // Model: Louise Vyent
May 8, 2015
Excellent points Sara. It’s such a shame how distorted our views on relationships can be. I think an abundance of choice and the pursuit of “unlimited happiness” is further complicated by perceived and actual time constraints. Any time you qualify what you want with what you have, you have already lost.
June 7, 2015
YES!! There will be boring moments. It doesn’t mean something is wrong completely. WE need those vulnerable moments to appreciate happy times..