I remember when I submitted my first pitch on From a Wild Flower, A Toast To a Lost Vision. It was a post I had written a month or two earlier and upon discovering from a wild flower; I felt inspired to share.

I also remember being asked to become a contributor. I was ecstatic. I felt like ‘yea, I had been through some things’ ‘I can write something that can inspire others’- or so I thought. I mean, how can I inspire others? It’s a nice thing to think of, but I find that in my life – a lot of the time, I myself am looking for inspiration.

Sometimes I think im losing it. The passion. The sanity. The inspiration.

I get caught up in the everyday cycle that I forget to see the divine. I forget to remember that I am divine.

I wake up, go to work, eat, sleep and repeat. I’m barely lucky if I can fit in time to read a book. I stopped exercising. I stopped meditating. I stopped drawing. I stopped writing. I stopped doing the things that took care of me.

I’ve become like the people I never thought I would. The ones that only look forward to weekend drinking; and all the blurred, costly, fragmented memories that come with it. To be modernly frank, I was ‘basic’. I accept it. I’m not writing to say that this New Year I’m going to make a 180 turn and go back to that person I used to be. From my experience, when you make a 180 one way, you make a 180 back.

I’m just trying to find a balance. I’m accepting the things I’ve done to myself and how I let myself go. I’m really reaping the results, but all I can do right now is give myself love.

I’ve lost the inspiration, and I’m hoping I’ll slowly find it again. Not just in me, but in those who are also struggling. In those around me sharing their stories, and those who are actually doing shit instead of just watching it happen (like me).

It’s scary when you feel like you’re giving in to the mundane way of society. I feel like I used to stand out, but now I’m like everyone else. What makes me different? What am I going to give back? How am I going to inspire others? When will I stop feeling sorry for myself?

This is my confession, and for the first time in a while; I’m okay with admitting my flaws. I have lost the inspiration in my life. I am being patient with myself. I believe that everything happens for a reason. I look at this as a challenge. I am stronger than this. I will find myself again. I will find the inspiration again. I am trusting that this moment is where I’m supposed to be. I am. I am. I am.

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Tal Always in the making, full-time dreamer, Tal enjoys the simple pleasures of tea and sunflowers. She has a job that she loves and her bio is always changing because she is changing always. You can follow her on Instagram @Wildcosmia13.

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