Okay, I admit it! There are times I feel like my twenties are just wasting away before my very eyes. I have less than two years left to make the most of this decade of my life. Yet still, l’ve had this trying tendency to remain stuck in my mind rather than to prove my fears wrong.

It’s so much easier to dream of the life you imagine for yourself than it is to boldly claim that existence for yourself. Especially when you’ve embodied the habit of silencing your voice and idly sitting on the sidelines as your possibilities slip away.

I married young – and at the time, I believed deep down past the marrow in my bones that I was making the right choice for me. But looking back, I now see that my insecurities and fears of being alone fueled my desires to secure my life long partner at such a young age.

Doe-eyed and in love, you couldn’t say nothin’ to slow me down. I have no shames or regrets and I do love my husband, but life has opened my eyes to an important truth. It is so vital that we as women treasure ourselves first before we bare our soul and allow it to become intimate with the soul of another.

The truth is, I fell in love with my husband looong before really learning to love myself. As a result, I often struggle to put my voice first.

I admit it. At this very moment, I’m waiting for something that may never happen (but that I desperately want to experience). I want to live my life intently. Without being led by my fears or controlled by the insecurities of myself or others. I want to release the unction to allow another being to warp my mind or lend their negative energy to my anxious thoughts.

I want to be free to live my life without worrying whether my choice to discover new depths of my soul will offend you. I want to be able to explore and sight see without your disapproval obscuring my vision. Don’t attempt to fix me, love me! Take notice of the changes taking place beneath the surface of my firm exterior and choose to love her anyway.

I must learn to live content with being myself 100 percent of the time – no matter where my journey of wants or desires may take me. I mustn’t be afraid to take a chance if I believe in my heart that my choices will result in growth and happiness. I should relish in the possibilities lying dormant beneath the layers of the faults and slip ups that are likely to accompany some of my choices.

I look forward to the day that I am willing (because I know that I’ve always been able) to act on the desires I feel forcefully tugging at my gut. Begging me to find the nerve to do whatever it takes to be the woman inside dying to break free.

Free from the monotony, mistrust & misfortune that is my inability to stand up for myself, my marriage and my future.

If I could talk to my twenty year old self, I would tell her to “enjoy the single life. Wipe the sleep from your eyes and see the pain you’ve endured as the best thing that’s ever happened to you. Look at the strength that has emerged as a result of your experiences, strength that you never would have known had you not bore the experiences meant for your good. Travel, explore, live life, fall in love with yourself and your quirkiness. You don’t need a man to make you feel beautiful and desired, know that you are beautiful and worthy whether you’re single or in a relationship. Yes, it’s nice to have a man by your side. It’s nice to have someone special to pour your heart and soul into. Someone to snuggle with and watch Netflix, as you eat popcorn and sip on red wine from your favorite purple plastic cup. But take your time. Enjoy yourself and the single life. You have a good 60-70 years left in you, there’s plenty of time for all that lovey dovey later.”

Okay, I admit it! I love my life and I love my family even more. But there are days that I wish I could slip on my sexy one piece, back all out, and jump in a hot tub time machine, paying a visit to my twenty year old self. Spend a day (or maybe a month) in the life of that single woman in her early 20’s, eager to take on a world of possibilities (single). In love with the woman emerging before her eyes, embracing the good and the bad.

But the reality is, I can’t travel back in time. All I can do now is make the most of the 2 years minus 2 months left in my twenties, and cherish it!

A word of wisdom to my single wildflowers in their late teens/early twenties– Enjoy your life as a bachelorette. There’s plenty of time for all that lovey dovey later!

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S. Sonia is a Family Advocate by day, and a poet, writer and blogger by night. Belizean bread – one of her favorite past-time includes indulging in some good ol’ Caribbean cuisine. She uses her blog as an outlet & platform, hoping her journey can inspire Queens out of the shadows of their fears and into the light of their destiny. // @QueenInTheShdws