I don’t know what this guy was thinking. We weren’t dating. We weren’t having sex. We’d made out a few times but that was it. Why would he buy me lingerie for my 19th birthday?

When I think of dating I think of going on actual dates where I’m not expected to pay for my own meal. I’m old-fashioned. If a man invites me out I expect him to pay. Where this lingerie-buying guy was concerned, all we ever did was meet up at Pizzeria Uno and we’d split the bill. Then we’d make-out a little bit. That wasn’t dating to me. So I was completely taken aback when, after once again meeting up at Pizzeria Uno and splitting the bill, he presented me with a birthday gift of lingerie.

I feel humiliated when I think back on that moment. I hadn’t expected a gift at all so on one hand it was a nice gesture. But on the other hand it was completely inappropriate. And presumptuous. Obviously, this guy expected me to wear that lingerie for him. Obviously, this was his not-so-subtle way of letting me know he fully expected me to have sex with him after wearing that lingerie for him. But where would he get the idea that I wanted lingerie for my birthday? Where did he get the idea that giving me lingerie at a busy Pizzeria Uno restaurant was the best way to give me that gift?

I’d never even worn lingerie before. I was 19…what the hell did I know about wearing lingerie? I bought underwear from Victoria’s Secret all the time but this was straight up lingerie. Like, see-through lacy, black material. Pink bows. Panties with an opening at the crotch. Serious lingerie. The kind of gift that two people who weren’t officially dating should not be exchanging. This was not a gift for me. This was a gift for him.

The really infuriating part about the whole thing is not only did I have to pay for my own birthday meal but right after my debit card transaction for my half of the meal went through I was then pressured into wearing gaudy lingerie for a man who had no respect for me or my desire for privacy. He also had no idea who I was. He didn’t think maybe I would’ve preferred a book or a gift card to a movie theater or even a cake. No. He thought the best way to get into my panties was to actually buy me crotchless panties. Gross.

Had I been a wiser woman I would’ve pumped the breaks and explained that I would let him know when I was ready to have sex with him- if ever. But I was young and naive and I didn’t know how to handle it when men disrespected me, took advantage of me or pressured me to do things I wasn’t ready to do.

I never wore that lingerie for him though. I went back to Victoria’s Secret and exchanged the lingerie for workout clothing. Blue and white striped track pants and a matching top. In the relationships I’ve had since my 19th birthday I’ve never had a guy buy me lingerie and I’m perfectly fine with that.

This first disastrous experience may have put me off lingerie all together.

Dawn Melissa