They say everything will be just right in your life at 25. So I planned out my 25th as soon as the clock hit 12am on my 24th birthday. I was going to be PERFECT by 25. Yes! Perfect! I was already losing weight…I just had to plan my perfect trip to Cancun, Mexico. I was going to make sure by my 25th birthday I was sipping a drink I could hardly pronounce and surfing on waters I had never touched. I invited my friends on my trip but no one had the funds. So I decided I would be just fine if it ended up being just me and my boyfriend sitting on the beach in Cancun.

Events unfolded dramatically. August came and I was granted another job opportunity. I decided to take the job with no further thought or considerations. I lasted at the job for a week before the CEO and myself concluded that I wasn’t fit for the position. I attempted to get my old job back but it was a fail. My boyfriend landed a new job around the same time and he didn’t think he would be able to get off for Cancun since it was within his 90-day probation period. So there I was… days into my birthday month with no hope for a trip to Cancun.

I pushed myself to wake up everyday with a smile on my face although I was going through the hardest time of my life. October rolls around and thankfully I am able to work for a relative and also work as an English teaching assistant. Halloween has approached and I am in New York with my boyfriend celebrating my “almost turning 25 moment”. I am filled with emotion and in the middle of the restaurant, I break into tears.

This cannot be how I am bringing in my 25th! I’m supposed to be in Cancun on the beach drinking a cocktail I can barely pronounce. I went to the bathroom, crawled into a ball and cried. My boyfriend didn’t understand what was going on.

I asked him later what he thought I needed to work on for the next year and his response was: “You have to learn how to distinguish reality from your own perception or dreamland.” I told him he was partially right. At that moment, I knew that reality was I couldn’t go to Cancun and I am still working on landing a proper job but my heart couldn’t accept it. I had to accept it and I did.

My 25th wasn’t perfect but I made sure I surrounded myself with those who care about me and love me. And that’s all that mattered in the end.

Sara Allie

Image Source: “Effetto Notte”, Harper’s Bazaar Italia, September 1989 // Photographer: Guy Bourdin // Model: Beverly Peele