Recently, I wrote about how important it is to remember that the nice guy can be equally venomous as the typical asshole. I was without a doubt referring to the man that decided it would be fun to date me and my friend at the same time. How sweet of him? Here’s a codensed version of what happened when he was foolish enough to think he could outsmart us a second time. My friend’s name will appear blank for her privacy.

After a relaxing night of eating and light conversation with my homegirl we got in the car and planned to head home. Then an unwanted text arrives.

Her: “Ugh we thought him up.”

Me: “If it’s who I think it is, I don’t even want to know what he has to say.”

What he had to say two weeks after apologizing to me via email was that he was alone in a bar hating his life and wanted my friend to come over to talk.

Initially my friend was against it, but decided if he was going to finally talk that he needed to speak with both of us.

So within 15 minutes we were in front of his home. He answered the door with a warm greeting, as if he we planned to come over and party.

Him: “Hey Melaika, I didn’t know you were coming. Well, let’s all have a seat. Melaika this is a nice surprise, I didn’t expect this.”

Me: “Well the invite was for ___, I just happened to be in the car with her. Since I obviously don’t mean anything to you, and you had no intentions of speaking with me in person, just speak your peace with her and act as if I’m not here”.

Friend: “You’re one to talk of surprises, but anyway I felt that you needed to speak with me, you need to speak with Melaika too.

Him: Well first of all, it was never my intention to hurt either one of you. And I’m sorry…”

Friend: “Because you got caught?”

Him: “No, Melaika things were not good between me and ___ for months. ___, I invited you over here because I never responded to your texts and I felt bad about it. Melaika this whole thing started because ___ said she was curious about me and…”

Friend: “False, this started because I came over here to borrow something from you and you were putting the moves on me, and then started exchanging messages with me on InstaGram. And what is this nonsense about me not being your type in Melaika’s email? I was your type when you were having sex with me! Who dates someone that isn’t their type!?”

Him: “You aren’t my type ___, I was able to explain the situation to Melaika because she was classy about it, and sent an email saying she wanted to hear what I had to say. You were the one that was curious about me! And, Melaika you said you guys weren’t speaking at the time!”

Sidebar, when everything was first revealed, I did send him an email asking him to explain himself. ___ sent a slew of obsecnities by way of texts that included, “Fat F-” and other fitting descriptions. I wish I would’ve done the latter.

Me: “Oh, so that was your indicator to slide in on my friend?”

Him after a bit of stuttering: “No, that wasn’t my intention at all….”

Friend: “Hold up, so now you’re explaining things to Melaika again? You’re the one that invited me over here. You’re just going to put it all on me because I wasn’t your type? You were attracted to me because I’m the sh-. I’m not going to let you reduce me to some sub par level just because you got caught. No!”

I supressed the urge to shout a Nicki Minaj ‘yaaassss’ as I watched him squirm in the discomfort of his bullshit. Score for the ladies.

Him: “Can I say what I have to say?”

Friend: “What is there to say, you were dating me but I wasn’t ‘your type’, started dating Melaika again, never even told me you guys dated before, then tried it again with me?! You’re a dirty dick bastard! I’m over you. ”

Him: “Fine! You know what, both of you can leave!”

Us in unison: “Okay great! Bye.”

Ladies, obviously we didn’t expect a clear resolve as a result…the meeting was clearly a recipe for drama. I think we both just wanted an in-person validation that this guy was really as awful as we found him to be. At the end of the day, this man wanted to place the blame on everyone but himself, and couldn’t even look us in the eye. The markings of low character. What would have he told my girlfriend had I not been there? Would he have tried to dig my name into the ground like he did hers? Did he think isolating her would make her more likely to forgive? Apparently I was his “type”, but was only deserving of an apology through email, despite the fact we’d been friends for five years. My friend wasn’t his “type”, although he continued to date her in secret after I cut him off, but wasn’t worthy of an apology at all, at least not for two weeks? The most annoying part of the situation was that neither of us were romantically interested in this guy at first. This man had the artistic victimn role mastered on a level neither of us had witnessed before, and we fell for it. Tsk tsk. On the way home we laughed at all our questions that would’ve put our nerves into overdrive if we didn’t.

After a hi-five, and the turn down from our women’s rage induced high, we closed an unpredictable chapter together. Content, we left the well-disguised villian that temporarily snuck his way into both of our life stories behind.

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Laik
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