Is this unrealistic? This is the question that we have to start asking ourselves as we feel the tension of frustration building up. We are expected to be all things, to all people, at all times. We are expected to know everything, be able to quickly absorb all things, and teach someone else how to do that task without using any references or resources. We expect everyone to learn quickly, speak quickly, and read our minds because time is not to be wasted. Many of us have adopted the right now or never attitude and it has lead to a dark pit of frustration and perceived failure.

Am I being unrealistic? We must first assess our own expectations and ourselves. We feel that our way is the only way to getting things done despite it being done differently by millions of others. We follow well-put together women on social media sites and aim to be like them. We are unforgiving of ourselves when we cant get the kid(s) out of the house on time, dressed like a million bucks, with a vegan breakfast and dinner halfway prepared. We are unforgiving of our children when they do not retain the lessons we just taught them. We are unforgiving of our partners/spouses when they do not follow the detailed regimen we laid out for them. Our lack of forgiveness leads to a spirit of bitterness that stems from unrealistic expectations.

Are you being unrealistic? This question has to be posed to those around us who have set the bar higher than necessary. Ask this to the mom that doles out unsolicited perfect parenting advice and shades you with their loaded questions. Direct this to your partner who asks what you did all day as they look around and see the clothes unfolded and dinner not finished despite you crossing off everything on your to do list. Slide this question into a conversation about why you have not started a family, finished school or got a second degree. People put pressure on us to do things that may not be in our interest or on our immediate timeline. These conversations make us feel inadequate or behind as if anyone can determine where we should be at each age or stage of our life. We define our life and it is up to us to keep people from trying to define our experiences.

Unrealistic expectations lead to frustration and failure because they are unrealistic. It is unrealistic for you to be all things to everyone without needing a break. It is unrealistic for our partners, spouse, or children to follow our detailed plans to a tee without making a mistake or just not wanting to. There will be mornings when we have to eat breakfast bars on the way out the door as we are running late. There will be days when we order pizza because we are too tired to cook. Everyone is not meant to have children before (enter whatever magical age society is throwing around) or a obtain a postsecondary degree or a super expensive graduate degree.

We have to reclaim our power and stay in control of our story. We define our success and our failures. Be realistic in your expectations and release the burdensome weight of disappointment and stress off your shoulders. Be you. Do you. Tell your own story. On your own terms.

Irnise is a mother, wife, nurse, soon to be lawyer with a story to tell.
Pitched Entry

Image Source: “Voyages Leger”, ELLE France, July 1993, Photographer:Philip Newton