Omg! Omg! Here it comes. What can I say or do so she will pay attention to me and not the tv. Think, girl, think! Girl, hurry up. This lady is about to blow his mind in 3 seconds. Ok, here goes.

“So momma, I had chiptole again for lunch today but this time I decided not to get all that sour cream.”

“I don’t like sour cream on my bowl….”, Momma says.

Yes! She is gonna talk about this bowl for at least the next minute or so. They should be done rolling in between the sheets by then.

I am no longer a kid, but I find myself acting like one when watching movies and television series that involve characters.

1. Kissing
2. Undressing
3. Moaning as they are being satisfied down low
4. Talking about mind blowing fellatio and cunnilingus and all the pleasurable acts of sex.

Watching and listening to these scenes not made for TV makes me uncomfortable ONLY when I am in the company of my mother. Some people have that open relationship with their mom… they can talk about any and everything and curse in front of her and with her. Well, that is not my relationship with my mother. In fact, even if it were, I am still not too sure I would want to cross the line with sex talks. I barely talk about sex with my friends, so, having sex talks with my mom? I think not.

During one family night with my mother and sister, we began watching a good movie-full of comedy and drama. Everything was going great until SEX became the topic of discussion and eventually the act with the characters. Yeah, dude was telling his woman how to serve him better: prop your head like this, sit like this, kiss like this, lick like this. Um, can someone please intervene and quick? I am not sure if my mother and sister feel the same awkwardness I do, but I can’t handle it. Without a doubt, I must promptly remove myself from the state of affairs. I always find a way to exit the room or haphazardly start a conversation about some silliness so that all eyes and ears are no longer focused on what is being done and said on the television.

Although I am grown, when momma is around, I still feel like that little girl who should always be on her best behavior and only watch raunchy television when she’s not home. You know, when I am alone, it is a whole different ball game. I may pull out my notebook and take notes or smile at the pleasure on my screen reminiscing about that time when… or wishing I could enjoy a little bliss at that moment too.

Eve Everett