I am a tough girl on the outside. I had to be. The oldest girl in my family. Yet, I was always the shyest girl. Shyness subsided as I got older and realized that I have to take up for myself. I always was raised to remain classy. With that being said, my sexual relations have been minor. I can still count the guys I have slept with on one hand. I can count how many orgasms I have had on one hand as well.

But, I have always considered sex sacred; I have considered my orgasms a little more sacred. I am okay with having sex with a guy and not cumming, yet allowing him to release his kids. Before you judge, let me explain why. Cumming is an uncontrollable release of stimulation from some form of sex. I learned that if I am not comfortable, or over think it, I would not cum. I usually would over think so I wouldn’t cum because I didn’t want that man to control my mind, body and spirit. So many women have lost themselves in mind, body and spirit because of this cum. I vowed to never be that woman.

Growing up in a religious home, I didn’t know a lot about sex. No, there were no hidden porn tapes in my home, we didn’t even own a Rated R movie. My first sexual encounter was with a boy I didn’t love and somewhat cared about. We attempted to have sex but stopped once blood starting coming out, I didn’t tell him I was a virgin and still to this day, he thinks it was my period. My second sexual encounter was with a guy I secretly loved. It took us two and half years to get that point, but it was worth it to me. We grew up with similar backgrounds so we understand each other. He understood when I said I was sexually inexperienced. It wasn’t about cumming, it was about my mind, body and spirit. He connected to my character.

That was the first time I reached a climax.

Some call me a “deep person” because I want you to feel me before you feel me. Fast forward to my current relationship and we are having sexual problems. Before we got into a relationship, I learned that he is used to sexually experienced women and that has haunted me ever since. Although I told him I was sexually inexperienced, I have tried overcompensating myself and being someone I am not. I have come to accept that I am not that woman. I am still a shy woman who is experiencing sex. I do know that sex for me involves mind, body and spirit. Sometimes I do not feel like he connects to my character and the “deep person” I am. Maybe I block him from my mind, body and spirit. So I will allow my mind, body and spirit to trust this man and for me to release my control. I wonder if he can handle that.

Sara
Pitched Entry