I was about 17 when it happened. I was the hardworking girl who went to high school, attended track practice, showered, and then went straight to work until about eleven that night. I didn’t have to work — I just loved doing it. I worked at a new retail store in a new shopping plaza that was always super busy. It was the second job I had ever had and I was just excited to have been recruited to be a Visual Merchandiser at such a young age. I had the freedom to basically make the store look how I wanted and being that the owners were pretty much budgetless and allowed me creative freedom, I just knew that even though I wouldn’t be there long, I would have tons of fun. You see, I was only going to work there for about 5-6 months to help get the store on its feet and then I was going to be off to college. Everything just felt so perfect and one of the best parts about this new shopping plaza was that there were tons new restaurants that were pretty trendy and new to South Florida. So lunch break, was always a fun experience, at first. Each week a new restaurant would open up and I, being the little foodie that I was, would spend my lunch breaks dining in and trying pretty much everything on the menus.

About one month after working at the store, a new restaurant opened about 4 stores down. It was a cute little place and as you know, I was ready to eat! As soon as I walked in, something just didn’t feel right. I’ve never been the superstitious type or one to believe in a six sense, so I thought nothing of it and proceeded to my table. The General Manager of the restaurant was pretty much watching me the whole time, I felt kind of awkward, but just ignored it by entertaining (and play entertaining) my phone. When I checked the time and realized that it was time for me to start heading back to work, I picked up my tray and went to go throw out my food. Not paying attention, I heard a deep voice saying, “Hey, I’ll get that for you”, I looked up — and it was the General Manager. Before I could say anything, he smiled and took my tray. “My name’s Deon, and I’m the owner here, what’s your name?”, he asked. “Kimberly”, I said nervous as ever. I’ve always been quite the people person but something about this guy, just didn’t feel right. He asked me a few more questions, I answered them shortly, and then I rushed out the door.

I pretty much avoided the restaurant for the next two months. On one random day, I decided to revisit it and take my food to go. I only decided to do this because my friend had just started working there so I felt confident having her company. I called in my order with her and went to go pick it up — and low and behold Deon was working behind the counter. I figured that he wouldn’t remember me, since it had been almost 70 days since our last encounter, but when I went to pay for my order, my friend Brittany, told me, “he said don’t worry about it”. I look up, and Deon’s smiling. Frustrated, I said my “thank you”, and kept it moving. “Does he really think I’m going to eat this now? I don’t know what he did to this food!”, I thought. So I left and went back to the store, appetiteless. “Girl, that guy is weird”, one of my employees said while grubbing on the food she pretty much dived to grab before it hit the bottom of the trash can. “Yeah girl, he’s old enough to be your daddy”, the next one said. Deon was about 50 something years old, about 6’5, and probably 250 pounds. His voice was deep enough to rattle my spirits and something about him was just VERY scary but I just couldn’t put my finger on it. “This guy is a killer, I’m sure he’d kill me if he could”, I’d always tell them. They laughed and said I was exaggerating and even though I laughed it off with them, I was serious. Something was just telling me that he would.

One night we were doing a floor set until about two in the morning and one of my employees said, “Kimberly, your dad’s here”, and all of us started dying laughing — “What were these girls talking about?”, I laughed as I walked to the side door (mind you all of the store’s walls are glass) — under the light pole was a huge shadow — Deon was there, keys in hand. He mouthed out, “Do you need a ride home?”, I looked at him crazy and mouthed back out, “noooo?”. At this point, I contemplated reporting this dude, but I kept second guessing myself, thinking that I’m overexaggerating what he hasn’t done to me. Life went on and on July 4th, of that year, I was at my sister’s birthday party and a text came in from an unknown number. “Kim, will you be my lady?”. Flattered and giggling at what I thought was a prank text, I responded, “I’d first need to know who this is! LOL”, and then the response came in, “It’s Deon”. My heart began to race. “How in the world did this guy get my number?!”, I thought, then I remembered that order I called in and him giving me the food for free, my phone number was on that receipt! I was freaked out, and then the texts started rolling in like crazy. I got over 60 text messages of craziness about how he wanted to date me and I finally responded with “Deon, what’s your issue?”. He started talking about how he was a lonely man and was telling me how he woke up about a year ago to his girlfriend/wife being gone with their 6 year old child and that he just wanted to take me on a date. Although I felt a little bad about his situation, I never really responded except for with, “Deon, you really need to pray and try to seek help from a church”. It was all I knew to say. I wanted to come off like I cared without giving in to his loneliness. About two weeks later, I get a call in the middle of my sleep — without even looking at who it was, it was Deon asking me to pray for him. We hung up, I blocked his number once and for all, and I went back to sleep.

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The next day I go to work and while I’m sketching my next floor set, my friend who works at the restaurant walks in. “Hey girl”, I say — followed by a hug. She looked at me strangely. “What’s up?”, I say back to her. “Have you heard?”, she asked me teary eyed. “Heard what?”, I asked back. “You didn’t hear about Deon?”. I hate when people ask me the same questions in more than one way. “Girl, what?!”, I asked back, face puzzled and confused. I’m thinking the guy was confessing his love again or something. “Deon died Kim”. “What?”, I said. “He killed himself, last night”. Then she told me the story. Deon, was a convicted felon. Not only was he emotionally unstable but his wrap sheet was extremely extensive (I looked it up online). He had everything from theft, battery, and cocaine charges.

According to the story of his death, he called his current girlfriend (yes the one he said who left him – lies) to come over and began beating her up. She ran down the hallway screaming and yelling and called the cops, the cops surrounded his apartment building, and when they got to his apartment he was on the floor, dead. Deon had shot himself after putting a silencer on his gun. Felons aren’t even supposed to have guns. I spent the first few days feeling bad thinking that I was responsible for Deon’s death. But after I did my research and went to his funeral (yes, I did), all of my questions were answered. Everything Deon had told me was pretty much a lie — and only the Lord knows what his intentions were for me. His funeral was the most emptiest funeral I’ve ever been to.

I don’t know anything about his past relationships and I don’t know anything about his family — and I have no idea why he was brought into my life or if he was taunting any other female(s), but I learned a lot from the whole situation. Before meeting Deon, I always felt like I wanted to save everyone. I wanted to be that amazing friend and that shoulder to cry on and I wanted to be that amazing girlfriend to that not so amazing boyfriend. But about a year before meeting him, I had given all of that stuff up. I decided that I needed to do what was best for me and save myself from letting others hurt me. I knew that me feeling bad for another person was only temporary and that it wasn’t my responsibility to rescue anyone else from what they couldn’t rescue themselves from. On the nights that I walked to my car by myself and on the days I was walking around the plaza, God really had my back, without me even knowing. I’m sharing this story with you to bring awareness to the fact that you can’t trust everyone you meet and you can’t be naive about any situation. It’s never your responsibility to pick up another person’s burden. Never feel guilty for not being able to save someone. I know, as females, it’s easy to feel bad and to fall into many traps. And it’s even easier to have a soft heart and feel like you want to nurture a person in need — whether that be emotionally or physically, but it’s more important to feel bad for yourself and the effect that another person’s situation can have on you in the future. Had I not put myself first, I wouldn’t be writing this letter to you. For my single girls, don’t feel like having someone is always the solution to your problems. I sometimes am really bothered by the fact that a lot of (us) women mope about not being with someone. But having a man/boy isn’t the key to happiness. As we say all the time — it takes two wholes to create a lasting relationship, not two broken pieces. Deon had money, lots of it — and I’m sure that he would have happily spent it on me. I’m sure that I could have a closet full of Louboutins and be driving the nicest car if I had sold my soul to him. But the same person I would have sold my soul to, would have been the same person who would have taken my life. What’s a Louboutin closet when the feet that are meant to wear them are six feet under ground? I truly believe that had I went over to his place, “been his lady”, or “went on a date with him” he would have taken my life as soon as I was ready to leave. But because I vowed to trust my heart and to make myself a priority, I gave myself another chance to live. Although someone may seem like you’re Number One, only you can be the one to guarantee it. When you give someone your heart, you hand it over and with it in their hands, they have full control over what they want to do with it. I am now in a relationship with a man that I love and that I am very happy with. Nothing was forced, uncomfortable, or unsure. I’m not saying not to love, but I am saying to guard your heart, first. Be safe, and be blessed.

Kimberly