Throughout my twenties, I have truly undergone a striking amount of soul-searching. I have a little over two years left in my twenties, and I can only hope that as I cross over into another stage of adulthood, that I become a wiser, well-adjusted woman.

I have been in search of “who I am” since my pre-teen years, but especially throughout my twenties. I’ve often felt like I was a step behind the crowd: not fashion forward enough, not smart enough, not career-established enough, not spiritual enough. Time and time again I’ve been prone to setting an imaginary bar used to measure myself to those around me.

This year, I’ve come to the conclusion that all these years, I’ve been putting unnecessary pressure on myself. We as people are unique in so many ways, from the ways we’re raised, to our personalities, to how we maneuver through the inevitable tests and trials on our journeys towards living the God-intended life.

Yes, it is important that I have mentors to help guide and inspire me to be the best me that I can be. But I shouldn’t limit myself by comparing my life to others. When I compare, it’s like I’m saying I’m not good enough or I’m a mistake, but this is far from truth.

On my journey to self-love, I’m learning to say “I am good enough” while recognizing that as I grow older, I must also grow wiser. I mustn’t be afraid of my all-encompassing self! Whether it’s the ugly details of my past, the pitfalls and joys of my present or the unknown yet delightful possibilities in my future – I embrace all of me!

As I get closer to my thirties, I can see more clearly that I have my own path to travel with my own way of getting to my desired destination. I can’t rush what is meant for me in God’s timing. What is destined for someone else may not necessarily be intended for me – and I need to accept that.

There was a time when I was stuck –

Overwhelmed with emotion
Consumed
Immovable
Glued to the despondency
Unable to detach myself from it

Confused
Alone
Attempting to make sense of my present
While seemingly incapable of disengaging myself from the past

Searching for comfort
Understanding
Love

But now, I am free. I have found a new love for myself and for my God. I wouldn’t say that I’ve completed my “soul-searching extravaganza”, but I’m optimistic. With each passing day, I become more in tune with who I am – one with the contents of my mind, my emotions, my will and God’s purpose for my life.

I am grateful for my journey. Just because I may not have accomplished all that I thought I would at 27 or just because I see that others have at 22 what I would love to have now, doesn’t make me any less worthy of being blessed. I just need to keep puttin’ in work.

My time will come and until then, I’ll just keep working on me – preparing myself for all the greatness I know my future holds!

__________________

S. Sonia is a Family Advocate by day, and a poet, writer and blogger by night. Belizean bread – one of her favorite past-time includes indulging in some good ol’ Caribbean cuisine. She uses her blog as an outlet & platform, hoping her journey can inspire Queens out of the shadows of their fears and into the light of their destiny. // @QueenInTheShdws

Image Source: Sexy Brazil, November 1993. Model, Luciana Gimenez