What Do You Need To Let Go Of To Get Back To The Real You?

I was writing a depressing blog post about wanting to give up, about wanting to just roll over and let whatever happen happen. A blog post about how I’m letting myself down, and how my mind has been such a clusterf*ck lately.

Focusing on negatives in my life really upsets me. My mind will go down a fast spiral, like the snowball effect. I can go from being extremely happy to, after letting a negative thought stew in my mind a while, being totally sad. And when I am sad, all I do is bully myself and focus on the negative.

One way that I fight this is to get the negative thought out of my mind all together. This means I have to recognize the negative thought and think about it rationally. Is there a reason I’m sad? Is this thought from something that happened or is this thought based on an insecurity in my head? What can I do to make this better? What can I learn from this?

With the answers to those questions, I usually find the solution to the sad thought.

But as I was writing the depressing blog post, I was in that downward fast spiral of doom. The spiral that just leads to crappy thoughts and rock bottom. When suddenly, within the first few paragraphs of that blog post, I received an email from Robin Fisher Roffer with a subject line that read: “Moving Forward.” Distracted by the title, I clicked and read the first sentence out loud: “If you’re feeling restless, unmotivated, burned out or stuck, I have five questions to ask you that will reignite your passion and move you forward.”

Instantly I thought, “Yes. I am restless, unmotivated, burned out and stuck.” And I started reading her post. Thankfully. Because her post made me recognize that I’m in that downward spiral, and thus I remembered to snap myself out of it. After all, I’m the only one who can control my thoughts and feelings.

Her post is mostly about careers, but one thing stuck out at me the most. She asked, “What do you need to let go of to get back to the real you?”

This was a hard question to answer at first. Do I need to let go of anything? I’m not holding grudges or living in the past. I’m not still acting like I’m in a fantasy world like I probably did in middle school.

And did I even lose myself? Is who I am right now not actually the real me? How do I know who the real me is? What if I’ve been a fake version of myself for years?

But those questions I asked myself were just me trying to distract myself from the truth. I believe I am who I am, and I am still the real Blake – the same girl I’ve been. I don’t think I’ve lost myself along this journey or forgotten what I stand for, what I value, or where I came from.

But, yes, I do know that I need to let go of something to live the life I really want. I feel like I’ve put my life on the back burner. I feel like I’m not living to my full potential. I feel like I’m letting my dreams fade into the background. And that is what is making me sad, knowing time is moving fast but I’m still here making excuses and not pushing myself.

If I know these things to be true, you may be wondering why I’m letting them happen. Why am I not stopping myself from putting my life on the back burner? Why am I not living the life I want? What is stopping me?

There are so many things that I want to do, but I’m too scared to do them. I am scared of making a wrong choice and ruining my life. I’m scared that maybe I will somehow disappoint a family member.

I need to let go of fear. I need to let go of using fear as an excuse. If I could do anything right now, I would pack my bags and move to another city even if I didn’t have another job lined up. I would get a new job, somewhere and somehow. Live in a new place. I’d go on an adventure that I’ve been dying to go on. I’d be satisfying that hunger inside of me, and I feel like I would finally be able to say that this is the life I want. Even if it turned out as a crappy job in a crappy city in a crappy apartment. Just knowing that I had the guts to do it would make me happy. That adventure would teach me so much about myself and about life. And if it didn’t work out, I’d be able to come back home. That’s what family is for. They are there for you to follow your dreams and support your goals, but if life gets tough and things don’t work out as you hoped or if you make a mistake, they’ll never judge you, but will instead take you back as if that failure never happened.

My life here is wonderful, so please don’t get me wrong. I’m surrounded by friends and family. I have a wonderful job. But, I can’t help but feel something is missing. And what’s missing is adventure.

I want to do something that will scare the heck out of me. I want to do something that makes me feel alive. I want to do something more than this routine I’m in.

And what better time to do this than now? When I’m single with no children and have no one else to take care of but myself?

Maybe one day. Maybe. That is, if I ever get the guts to follow this spontaneous desire of mine.

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I’m Blake, the writer of Blake’s Everyday Adventures. I’m a quirky tell-it-like-it-is Texan. I enjoy dancing, drinking beer, and satisfying my sweet tooth – but not all at the same time. I’m the girl who knows all the song lyrics, but can’t name the title or band. I love swimming, but not in water I can’t see through. I have an adventurous side, but I’m also afraid of random things – like those Capri Sun drinks. My life is as random as the thoughts floating around in my head, but hey, that keeps it interesting. I live with my boyfriend, Kevin, in a one bedroom apartment that is becoming too small. We met on October 10, 2013. Moved in together on March 1, 2014, and have been enjoying our new adventure together ever since. He is borderline obsessed with his Ford Mustang, and he also enjoys drinking beer and dancing. So we’re basically perfect for each other. On May 20, 2014, we adopted this little fella’, who we named Bear. He enjoys play biting, barking, and peeing in the house. Then, on July 20, 2014 we adopted this little girl, Zoey. She is a brave little Lab Collie mix who loves playing rough with her big brother and waking her parents up every hour each night.