There may be a little truth behind the myth that any woman who chops off her hair is ready to change her life. Or it could be because I am now twenty eight. Whatever the reason, I had a revelation during a Zumba session earlier this week. I’m happy. Like happy as hell. Even with two jobs, school, and a non-existent relationship. I think a lot of it has to do with my ability to laugh at myself. And that’s amazing because I used to be overly sensitive. If I didn’t look at my life as comedy, I’d probably be skimming through another Tony Robbins book about taking action to become a success, without actually taking any real action of course.

A lot of my current bliss also comes from my recent decision to put dating on an extended hiatus. This also includes “hanging out” and “making new friends” (with men). It’s been exactly one year since I tried to give dating a chance, which for me is terrifying. It taught me quite a bit about myself, but here are the two majors. One, I should’ve dated more before this hiatus so I could at least have more reasons to laugh at myself. Two, I really didn’t want to date to begin with because I don’t have time.

My first attempt at dating again started last summer when I decided to take a walk while re-reading Native Son. I was stopped by a young man of the same age, who I thought was also pedestrian. (I learned later that he was actually driving, parked on the side of the road, and pretended to be on a walk so he could cross my path). He didn’t say “Aye lightskin”, “Can I go with you?”, or “You phat as hell” which are all common greetings for many young black men in Baltimore, so I paused, and we had a great conversation.

I actually ended up having a decent date with this gentleman but because my texting skills are sub par, I never responded swiftly enough for his taste. This led to me having to explain my long texting gaps, which then led to super long life stories about why we behave they way we do, and then, feeling exhausted, I started to ignore texts. Later, I admitted it was just too intense for me. I actually felt like a jerk at first until I received the “dick photo”. Gross.

Fast forward to spring. Last attempt of the year.Too busy to breathe much less date, I agreed to link with a persistent acquaintance I met at a networking event. Let the “come over” game begin. Ladies you know this game. The guy wants you to come over “to chill” but what guy wants to just chat it up with a woman he barely knows within close proximity to his bedroom?

This time around the texting aspect was great but everything was centered around me avoiding going to his spot. He kept saying how much he wanted to get to know me but it seemed like this was impossible unless I came to his apartment. No amount of hinting or just flat trying to arrange meetings away from his home seemed to fly. Finally, I managed to meet with him in public. But not before I was invited to drop my bag off to look up movie times at his man cave. I paced around Starbucks trying to think of ways to say “No, why do you want to me to come over?” without making the situation awkward. Pretty sure I failed. After a brief consultation with the guy bestie, I decided I would just go to the movie alone and he could come meet me if he wanted to. From this point on I pulled away.

After getting sick of my dissapearing acts, he found an inadvertent way to admit what I already knew.That he wasn’t trying to date, but made it seem like he did so I would feel comfortable coming to his place.

Him a few weeks later: “I think we view dating differently. Like when we went to the movies it wasn’t a date for me, we were just hanging out.”

My brain: I KNOW!! I just don’t want to hang out in your apartment. But is there a polite way to say I peep game?

The present. This lady just isn’t ready for dating.Those two scenarios and any in between taught me that I’m too busy, and maybe too nonchalant to make space for dating in the digital age. To be honest, it’s just not a priority. It was an interesting year, but right now I’m having too much fun obsessing over post big chop length checks, and sharing my past nightmarish dating life with you all. Cheers to happiness ladies.

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Laik
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