I am 23 today. And as I think about life, its many twists and turns, its surprises, its highs and its lows, I am thankful to say that I am entering into another year. Blessed to be alive to see myself turn 23, blessed to have the friends I have in my life, my family, a roof over my head, plenty of food to eat, air to breathe, etc. Forgive me for my ramble, but birthdays really mean a lot to me. When I was younger, I used to have these huge surprise parties in South Carolina where I’m from, they were epic and loud, and I think they were the pebble that began the ripple effect of making me feel birthdays were so momentous because they are. I look at today and find it impossible to feel anything but lucky.

I decided that from now on, I want to have a list of life lessons to commemorate my birthdays. I feel that life is about growth and about learning and I want to end the list with a new number and a new age every year highlighting the lesson that was most resoundingly clear for that year.

1. Believe in people’s actions, not their words. Words can be easy, truths can evolve into lies in the blink of an eye, but in action is integrity, devotion, promise. Those who care will show they do and those who don’t won’t. It’s simple.
2. Happenings have their reasons. Seasons end so that new ones can begin, things change so that we can grow, the sun sets so that the moon may rise. Believe that what’s happened is meant, find blessing in every lesson.
3. “Friday Night Lights” is the remedy to any bad day. See also: “The Office”, “Arrested Development”
4. Doing what you love and what you’re passionate about is far too important to be silenced in lieu of being realistic.
5. If you end communication with someone, do yourself a favor and allow it to stay that way. Do not allow people to be relics and if they are not in your present, keep them in the past.
6. Be fearless.
7. If you have to ask yourself “why?”, be certain to always counter with “why not?”. It is easy to find excuses if you’re looking for them, search harder for reasons you should versus reasons you should not.
8. Love without question, without expectation, without doubt, and without specifications/qualifications. Love because you love.
9. Love yourself first so that the object of your love never feels suffocated by what you are trying to give. When you love yourself first, love stops needing and only wants turning entrapment into freedom.
10. Say “no” and mean it.
11. It is okay to defend yourself and it is possible to do so without threatening your ability to remain eloquent.
12. Parents mean well and are your biggest and most sincere supporters. They support simply because they created you, shaped you, and love you and do so without you owing them anything in return. If you quarrel, make peace with them. It is because of them that you are everything you are today.
13. Emphasize that even more for moms who sometimes get the short end of the stick, especially when their stuck with a daddy’s girl for a daughter.
14. Happiness is a choice. No one can take that choice away from you so never feel like you have to wallow in negative emotions. They can visit, but don’t allow them to live with you for long.
15. Crying doesn’t make you weak. In fact, it is the exact opposite.
16. That man cannot and will not ever define you.
17. Surround yourself with people who see you the way you see yourself. Like-minded individuals who support you while reaching for the stars themselves.
18. The tongue is powerful, be cautious of it. Only say things that you wish to be true. You are who shapes your reality. Words, whether negative or positive, speaks things into existence. I’d much rather it be positive, thus it is important to seek to have those words be positive.
19. Speak your truth always. Never quiet yourself to make others comfortable especially if you’re sacrificing your comfort for theirs.
20. Patience is beyond important in life. Everything cannot happen at once and sometimes you must learn what it means to sweep your own porch before trying to sweep the next one. (Still learning)
21. Don’t kick yourself for missing a week or a month or three months at the gym, it’ll be there when you’re ready ;)
22. Never deny yourself pleasures in life, especially the simple ones. Like a walk in the park, or a trip to the movies, a kiss from your mom, a hug from a friend, that awesome dessert at that tapas place you love. Life’s too short.
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23. Your path is yours to create, to design and yours alone. Don’t allow the opinions and decisions of others to eclipse what you know is best for you. The world doesn’t define you, you define you. You create your life.

All of these lessons are significant to me for different reasons and in different ways, but this 23rd one is the one that has been the theme of this year thus far for me.

Sheriden

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Image Source: Victoria Mesenbrink by Jeff Dey