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Hi 30. Hey, how are you? It’s me, Shenequa. (extends hand nervously for a handshake) Do you remember me? I’m the girl who’s been dying to get into your club since I turned 21. I don’t know why, but everyone who becomes a part of Club 30 always seems so cool, calm and collected. They look like they’re contributing to their 401-Ks and not only is their company matching it, but they can still afford to go to brunch on the weekend! Ever since I graduated college, I’ve wanted that lifestyle for myself. It just looks like Club 30 is where it’s at.

I know I’m early, but being that I just turned 29 I wanted to set up this informational with you to gage whether or not it looked like I was ready to be a part of your association. You’d be surprised how fast 365 days around the sun can go. I promise I won’t take long. But here are some lessons I’ve learned throughout my 20s I wanted to share with you.

***Opens briefcase. Scrambles to find Kung-Fu Panda Folder holding important documents***

Here I go.

1. Where I’am Now Is NO Indication Of Where I Can Be!
I started out covering local cat-and-dog shows when I worked for a small suburban paper in Chicago. On good days, they were boring and the highlight would be a bulldog’s fart. At the time, I lusted for the chance to write album reviews and interview artists who’s music I bought and listened to. Now I’m the associate editor working at ESSENCE. I try to remember that when things in my life go south.

2. Casual Sex Isn’t Your Thing
I’ve tried the casual sex thing. I thought I could detach and it just be physical and I’d be all cool and Samantha Jones esque. Yeah, umm, no! I have emotions. I’m a girl. I don’t have sex with men I don’t like, so If I like you, I will probably have sex with you, and afterwards will like you even more because we had sex. Pretending that sex is just sex never works for me. What can I say? I’m human and as a human I can get attached. Want to sue me for it? Bill my emotions. I’ve had to learn to curve my carnal desire to risk heartbreak, which has been tough but beneficial, and which also brings me to lesson number three.

3. You WILL Survive the Heartbreak.
I can’t tell you how many times I went against my better judgment and had sex with a John only for it to end up being nothing. Countless guys have made me cry, made me feel less then, made me feel like no matter what, I wasn’t ever enough. I have been curved to the farthest of lefts PLENTY of times, and like a fool, each time they hurt me I would try to love them even more. Talk about a gluten for punishment. My early 20s were some of the toughest years of my life. I remember one time that I found out on Facebook a guy I was dating broke up with me and got back in a relationship with his ex! I locked myself in a room for 48 hours and maybe ate once. But guess what? I’m stronger for it, so instead of saying F.U, instead I’ll say thank you.

4. Don’t Attach Yourself To Every Label You’ve Been Labeled.
I’ve been called “too strong” “extreme” “angry” and a host of other harsh, unflattering words. Whenever someone would use a word I didn’t like to describe me I would fall into this deep self-analyzation. Am I really that person? Is that how I come off? I would call up my friends and ask their opinion on said word and that would spiral into a Oprah Super Soul Sunday esque revelation of my life’s journey up until that point, which lead into a Deepak Chopra meditation session and somehow I would end this journey of self more confused then when I started it. Its taken me a while to learn, but just because someone says something about me, doesn’t mean its true or that I have to accept it. I define me, not the other way around.

5. Carbs Aren’t The Devil
Remember that one time you tried to give up carbs for two weeks and almost off’d yourself ? Yeah, no one was here for that. I will never be the super skinny girl. I have big boobs and thick legs. It’s just how it is and its just how it will always be. Everything in moderation and I’ll be fine.

6. Being Grown Means More Than Having On A Matching Pair of Bras and Panties All The Time
And thank God for that because let me tell you…

7. Figure Out What Your Definition of Sexy Is And Turn That On When YOU Deem Necessary
If sexy were an item of clothing, lets say, a ball gown, I own two ball gowns that I feel comfortable wearing. Follow me? If humor were clothing, I have 18 pairs of humor jeans. If intelligence were a pair of Converses, then I have beaucoup pairs of Chucks. Sexy? I’m still figuring my way around that part of the department store. Sometimes I feel sexy and sometimes I don’t. But what I will tell you is, trying to be the kind of sexy that I think will merit a guy’s attention is not my cup of tea. Been there and done that! There are some things that require effort and some things that should come effortlessly. My sex appeal is the later.
8-No matter where you go, you are who you are, playa—Jay Z
I stopped trying to be something other than me a long time ago when I learned that the real Shenequa would always show up, even when she wasn’t invited. Those times when I wish I could just have sex and not attached. Well, Shenequa gets attached after having sex. That time I tried to be more consistent and brush my teeth every night before going to bed. Nope. Big fail right there. Sometimes I brush my teeth and sometimes I don’t. Either way pretending that I’m someone that I’m not has never worked out for me. I always fail because I can never keep the act, so why even try? Plus, Shenequa is kinda dope if you ask me?

So? What do you think? Think I’m ready for Club 30

Tweet me @GoldingGirl617 some of the biggest lessons you’ve learned all throughout your 20s using the Hashtag #Club30

Shenequa Golding is a music/lifestyle freelance writer based in New York City and has written for outlets including The Associated Press, VIBE, MSNBC.Com, HelloBeautiful.com and more. When she’s not writing her life way, she can be found praying in a corner, hoping she can afford to pay her student loans for the month. / Twitter / Instagram / Blog