I met him at the reception of a hotel. I had traveled with my mum for a seminar. Mr. Stranger was tall, had rough teeth, and wore shabby looking shorts,with a faded white tee.

“You look Igbo, no, South African,” he said, trying to start a conversation. I ignored him, pretending like I couldn’t hear a word he said while staring at my phone.

“Are you a student?” I ignored him again.

“What school do you attend?”

He didn’t seem to realize that I was ignoring him on purpose, so he went on and on about how he was a student at the local University and how he worked part-time at the hotel to make ends meet. He spoke good English with a little h”eyes” and h”okay” here and there. All this while I said nothing.

No. I’m not mean. I’ve just had really awkward experiences with Strangers…strange men and strange guys.

2010
I was at the cinema, waiting on my brother when a guy walked up to me and said, “Hello, I’m Daniel.” I have this habit of being nice to everybody including strangers, so I said “hey” back to him. A conversation ensued and we ended up seeing a movie together and exchanged numbers. After that he didn’t stop calling. TWO DAYS later he sent a text message: “I love you, would you be my girlfriend” Whaaaat?!!! I immediately changed his caller ID to “DO NOT ANSWER THIS FREAK!!”

2012
Similar experience, I met a guy at the cinema (I stopped going to the cinema alone after this) and I desperately needed someone to take a photo of me so I asked a random guy. We talked for a little while and when it was time for my movie, he bought a ticket for the same film. After the movie we said our good-byes and as I was leaving, he pulled me back close and said “won’t you kiss me goodbye?” I gave him my “are you okay” look, pulled away and walked away FAST!

Fast forward to present day and I still have that habit of being nice to people. I felt bad for the guy who had continued to talk to me even though I hadn’t said a word. Not just because I was irritated by the leftover food that was stuck in between his teeth, but also because I wanted him to stop talking altogether. I finally said, “Hey, I’m Kunmi. Nice to meet you.”

Two hours later we were still talking (he did most of the talking…he talked like his life depended on it). He went on and on about how I look like a mama’s girl and how he was quite the “Casanova”.

“I’ve dated sisters, best friends and even twins at the same time,” he said. He went on and on about the many “bad” things he had done — you would have thought he was interviewing for the baddest due that ever lived position. He was obviously trying so hard to impress me but it wasn’t working. Somewhere in between his many stories I had mentioned that I am single and not ready to mingle.

I woke up the next morning to a text message…

Morning sunshine, hope u slept well? u seem like a nice girl and I felt a connection between us, I would appreciate if u giv me a chance.

Urgh! Not again I muttered under my breath. I typed a quick reply without even thinking twice:

First of all I’m not a girl. Secondly, how do you know I’m nice? You don’t even know anything about me; FYI I wasn’t impressed by all your stories, whatever connection you felt is not mutual! Lastly learn to spell YOU properly — two extra letters won’t kill.

But I didn’t send it. I ignored it and smiled at the thought of adding yet another number to my “DO NOT ANSWER” list.

Olakunmi
Pitched Entry