Why I Won’t Apologize For Being Bougie
I can’t, and won’t apologize for being bougie. Yea, I said it. But wait, let me explain. Let’s start from the beginning. What is bougie?
Bougie (pronounced boo-jee) is a slang term coined by African Americans to describe an elite, educated and successful sector of the black middle class. It is derived from the word “bourgeois.” Bougie has historically been associated with the lighter-skinned, straighter-haired, well-to-do black folk of greater opportunity and success. But as time went on and black culture progressed, bougie became a label most associated with a lifestyle rather than a physical appearance.
A bougie person usually meets the following qualities or criteria:
- A member of Jack and Jill
- Attended a HBCU
- Comes from a middle class, two-parent home
- Afforded an allowance
- Belonged to at least one tennis or sports club
- Has at least one Greek parent (AKA, Delta, Sigma, Omega)
- Participated in a right of passage ceremony (Debutante Ball)
- Started preparing for college by sophomore year of high school
- Attended church regularly
- Lived in the suburbs
If any of this is confusing to you, you don’t recognize the above acronyms, or this sounds outrageous, you ain’t bougie. Now, don’t shoot the messenger, I didn’t make these rules. I’m simply spelling them out.
Rereading the list above is funny for me. At one point, I certainly fit this criteria, give or take a few. But by the time I turned 18, I felt that all of these bougie privileges had not awarded me anything. In fact, it only set unreachable expectations for me, and shattered my spoiled point-of-view when things didn’t quite turn out as I expected.Which they often didn’t.
I HATED being called bougie until a couple years ago. Though I admit to living a blessed and privileged life, I longed to just “fit in.” But I never did. Whether I was practicing for the Debutante Ball or playing softball with my high school friends, I always felt in-between those two worlds. It was a juggling act, one that I eventually walked away from. Truth is, “bougie” is just another label designed to put people in a box. A box of conformity, exclusivity and expectations.
Expectations that shatter when you decide that Jack n Jill has too many rules and is boring; or that the AKA Debutante Ball experience might look great on a HBCU application, but California Universities don’t really care; or that once your parents divorce and can’t afford cars, country clubs, colleges fees or membership dues, life isn’t so privileged after all.
For me, bougie isn’t a lifestyle; it’s a belief system. Which is why I don’t mind when my friend’s mom warmly nicknamed me “bougie” (true story). With or without material wealths, being bougie is more about a sense of cultural pride, self love and motivation. It’s an acceptance of intelligence and high standards. We, as a people, can be successful! We can be elite! Wedon’t have to idolize crude rappers or strive to meet a racist European ideal of beauty. We are awesome just as we are. Wecan follow in the footsteps of doctors, lawyers, directors, professors, teachers, social workers, bus drivers and preachers, who laid the foundation for us to excel.
I am bougie and won’t apologize for it. And you should consider yourself bougie too.
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Image Credit: Grillz by Christian Ferretti for Interview April 2013
April 2, 2014
Growing up Bougie (Bourgeoisie) was tied to a Marxist Theory and modernizing the nerd in me learned that first. But for most people these days (which I learned later) its all about feeling like you have to be a certain way to be black. I grew up in what was deemed the rough area of DC. Yet my mom she wasn’t the loud hood mom, she didn’t do things that I saw my other friends moms do, I had chores, allowence, she was liberal, and soft spoken. She disiplined me but only at home, she exposed me to a lot of culture at an early age because it was how she was raised. She came from two educated parents but was still a teen mom. Now that I’ve grown up I think I understand why my mom who is the baby might have been a little neglected in that area which is another story.
My point is this, my mom might have been a teen mom, but she still had some vaules. She put me in all sorts of free programs. She had me in girl scouts, science camp, summer camp, Saturday academy, ballet, gymnastics all of that stuff. It got to the point where I had to cut down my programs and figure out what I wanted to focus on. As I grew older a lot of those things I learned from teachers, and being around my grandparents made me a little more mature than kids my age. I was deemed a know it all, Bougie, White girl…I got teased for saying “dudes” one time. As I got older I started to see that those people where holding on to an outdated view of what it meant to be black in America. Education, knowledge, adapting to change was something to be frowned on and if you weren’t acting “crazy” or “hood” that you were bougie. I learned that early on and still held on to my values. I always observed, and that was taken to a nother level because I didn’t like to get in trouble, or take a ton of risk that would jeopardize the liberal freedom my mother day me. I will never apologize for speaking the way that I do, or knowing the things I know, or behaving the way that I do. It had nothing to do with Not wanting to be black. It had everything to do with not being a stereotype, and embracing the way that I was raised. When folks can move past thinking you have to be a certain way to be considered black then we might make some advancements. I’ve been seeing a lot of things revolving around the carefree black woman and I love it because it seems like people are finally embracing that not all women of color have to dress a certain way or act a certain way bc of our skin color.
This was a great article.
May 13, 2014
Welp, I’m not bougie, but my daughter seems to be headed in that direction. I’m kinda proud. *pops bubble gum*