Ladies Is Pimps Too

I am a twenty-something year old woman who is strong willed and goal-oriented. In fact, my motto in life is “I aint got time.” During the beginning of my college years, this motto led me to be considered a “female pimp”- as I playfully entertained guys with some physical attraction, yet no sexual advances. Afterall, Jay-Z did say “ladies is pimps too.”And I guess I’ve always took that lyric to heart.The “pimp” in me would only entertain guys when I felt like it. A female pimp by my definition was one who used men for conversation, laughs and movie nights. And I always clearly explained that I didn’t want anything serious and that I’d only have sexual relations with a man that I was in a relationship with.While “pimping”, I would usually create a dramatic argument so I wouldn’t have to go out on a date with him and skipped gracefully to a date with the other guy.

I wasn’t ready for a relationship and although I explained that to them, men always seemed to like the challenge. I was their challenge and I knew I wasn’t for any relationships. I hate holding hands, public affection,  and “I love you mores.”  They make my skin crawl. I HONESTLY enjoyed my freedom; the freedom that I saw my friends and family let go of because of the L-word. The L-word that I decided I was too young to encounter. I thought the L-word made humans go through emotional roller-coasters, self-esteem issues, and near death encounters. And “I ain’t got the time” for that! That L-word was going to have to wait because I had bars to hop, tables to dance on and an empire to build. I was the typical church girl that went to college (besides becoming a harlot) and decided to rebel a little.”Damn she fine but she party all the time.“ I hopped in and out of a relationship with “My Male Scorpio Twin” when I felt like it because we were genuine with each other and similar with remaining “pimp strong.”

Then, at some point, twenty extra pounds of liquor later, the clubs got old, the guys got tired, and I grew out of that party-girl phase. I began to want more, something my boyfriend at the time and other guys couldn’t understand because of the female pimp reputation I had acquired. I ended things with him and every guy that thought he had a chance.

After two years, a major change, and a healthier lifestyle change, I told myself I was ready to explore a REAL relationship with someone. I was ready to experience my heart being open to the L-word. I imagined a 6’5, Vanilla or Chocolate (I do not discriminate) basketball player, or an intellectual man in his late 20s would be the guy to make me have the time. I relentlessly explained to my friends that Beyoncé had told me that I need to date an older man for me to find my “Jay.” This older man was going to understand my L-word struggles, cherish the good woman that I was and make me a BELIEVER when it came to love.

Then a  5’9 red head in his prime crept into my life. Somehow he made it manageable to hold hands, show public displays of affection and to explore a real relationship. He made it okay for me to not know everything or anything about relationships. The only problem is that I had no idea how hard a relationship was to maintain. I had no idea that I had to actually care about the other person’s feelings. I had an idea about the emotional roller coaster but it wasn’t until I got on the ride that I understood.