“I know you’ve been talking to her don’t lie.”

“Don’t lie to me, let me see your phone! Pull up the text — LET ME SEE!”

I screamed before I went flying across the room into the frame of the closet door. I felt a sharp pain in my back as I tried to register what was happening. But before I could even respond, he was grabbing my arm again and slamming me across the bed. Tears welled up in my eyes and through the blur I could see him standing there looking just as confused as I was.

The confusion on his face made me question the events I knew had occurred only a few seconds prior. The man I loved had hurt me not only emotionally, but physically.

I ran out of the room and fell to the floor sobbing, out of breath and in utter shock. I was so angry with myself. Why didn’t I fight back? Why didn’t I just leave it alone? Why was he dishonest again? Why am I even here?

There I sat on the living room floor of my apartment broken, blaming myself for another one of HIS mistakes.

Some days would be amazing some would be unbearable. The same person who made me feel so alive and confident would cause me to question everything he helped me build.

He was my first love — we had been dating since I was fifteen and he was eighteen. Three years later we were still at odds and there I was in a place I said I would never be.

As I sat there pondering our relationship, he walks in like a helpless child. He tried to grab my hand and I pulled back. He apologized and lead me back to the bedroom. I laid down without saying a word. He rubbed my bruised neck. He said he never meant to hurt me and I believed him. He said he loved me and I believed him. He said we were meant to be together…I didn’t believe him.

I knew I would never look at him the same, I would never love him the same. But still I laid there…

Courtney