Is a relationship really open when you and your man decide to have an open relationship? From the looks of it things aren’t really looking to good on my side of town.

Being in an open relationship is not done for the sake of being all willy nilly with multiple people, but to be your true self: nothing to hide, nothing to be afraid of. To be open enough to show that other side of you to the person you care about whether it’s sexually or emotionally.

I have decided to do a man fast. It basically will be me, myself, and I here on out. I am completely cutting off all calls and texts I receive from men I feel that are no worthy in my life — this includes my significant other as well. With my trusty iPhone’s block feature in place, I will not have to see a name or text; for me they will simply be “out of sight and out of mind”. This fast will help me have a clear mind and less distractions. I know this will challenge me to detach more. It will force me to find clarity in my life and to trust my gut when I know it’s time to take a break away from energy that isn’t serving me the way I would like.

This includes the person I love dearly right now.

I will miss the hell out of my special someone. But when you feel too attached, the emotions trigger a thought process, one that says it’s time for a change, it’s time for a break away. SPACE. He has control over me and I know it. I want to break that. I want to break the habit of me thinking my life will suck if he isn’t here. I want to break the thoughts of him on my mind, all the t i m e.

I want a love of no limits and expectations. I want to love with no titles and know when I’m giving him space, it isn’t time away from me, but time for him to be creative and live. I want to love who he loves, no matter what sex or color. I want to be able to not be anything but an energy source to help and challenge him. I want us to be called nothing, but be everything we need for each other.

I just want to be a healer. Nothing else.

When you begin to put titles, rules, or limits on another person, their bound to break them. They will not be able to fulfill those ideals simply because they are HUMAN, unless that’s really what they want to do and not what they are doing because of said expectations.

I’m alive and feel ready to take on whatever comes my way with this challenge. From talking to someone every day to cutting them off cold turkey for a week. I can do this.

Now I didn’t tell the other person who I blocked, simply because he and I know that this friendship-relationship isn’t going anywhere. He is completely awkward and repetitive on the phone and he does things to make it seem as if he’s a mystery or busy, when he’s really in his pj’s studying for a exam in a business law class he takes at the same college I attend. I simply texted “I’ll call you when I’m ready to talk” to my special someone. Knowing he’ll understand and he will respect my space at the bittersweet ending of this night. No tears have been shed…yet.

Khadijah

image source: model, Ashley Moore. photographer, Aris Jerome. [x]