I just came to the conclusion that I’m a compulsive LinkedIn checker. I skim through news blurbs and new connections daily. Something about knowing what my peers are doing gives me a rush. I have to know what they’re doing because… well… I don’t actually have a second half to that sentence. An explanation of sorts. I just check it because. And I know they check mine, too. Just because it’s there. We are curious beings by nature. And I know that whenever I see an update, a new job or a string of “Congratulations!” I don’t feel any type of way, necessarily. Jealousy, anger and frustration aren’t on my spirit. I smile, actually clap or say “Go [insert name here]!” out loud to my computer screen. It’s thrilling to watch someone else’s upward journey, even when I’m sometimes unsure of my own.

I’m climbing, even though it doesn’t feel like it much. Whatever “bottom” Drake was talking about, I feel like I’m still residing there, head cocked to the sky, looking up at all that I want. But I can’t see what that is and all that it entails. It’s great, I know that much. I can’t make it out from here. It’s far. I’m squinting. The sun is in my eyes, but I can’t look away from where I want to be. I’m not sure how far or close I am to the next big step, but I know it’s there and trust that I’ll get there. That’s how a ladder works. I know I’m still climbing.

People have told me that they’ve got their eyes on me. I’m a quiet one, but they’re watching closely and see that I’m well on my way to great things. A friend who graduated two years before me pulled up a chair next to me at a mutual friend’s party and fought through drunken sleep to explain all that he saw in me. It’s such an out-of-body experience when someone sees the “top” that you can’t even see. You have your doubts and your setbacks, but they predict your ascent with such confidence that you have no choice but to reach up, as blind and clumsy as you may feel, and match the vision. The only way I’ll see it clearly is when I can sit on the top and it’s safe enough to dangle my feet and look down. For now, both my arms are extended upwards, reaching for the next rung.

Stacy-Ann is a NY-born and based writer, photographer and artist with work featured in VIBE, VIBE Vixen, The Root, MadameNoire and others. She’s a constant dreamer, is obsessed with her home state, and adores all things black (as in black people), girly and artsy. She’s patiently awaiting the day when her home will double as a personal gallery. Watch her create over on stacyannellis.com and sellisthewriter.blogspot.com, and keep up with her on Twitter at @stassi_x.