I’ve kept my phone on ‘do not disturb’ for the last 3 weeks and I actually kind of love it. I haven’t had to worry about seeing his name in my call log, tempting me to hit the call back button and allow negative energy to run through my veins. I’m trying to live the most positive lifestyle but with his stalkin’ ass constantly calling me, I just don’t know how that’s going to happen. He’s sent me countless emails, to which I haven’t responded and although he has no idea where my new place is, I’m sure his crazy radar will land him right in front of my doorstep. I’ve contemplated calling the police and doing the whole restraining order thing but, there’s a weird part about me that is actually enjoying the ride.

See, he and I met at some random party a few months ago and for him; it was love at first sight. For me?? Nah, that’s pretty much a figment of one’s imagination. He walked right up to me and excused me away from my friends then began complimenting me on my “luscious natural hair that not too many girls can pull off”. (…I wonder if he knew it was weave). It was almost like he was trying to serenade me with his words but, that red stain on the side of his mouth from the punch he was drinking earlier just kept throwing me all the way off. I’m not sure why I always do this but, I gave him my number when he asked for it. He waited two days to call and when he did, he gave me a location to meet him at. I almost didn’t go but then I figured ‘what’s the worst that could happen?’ I mean, it was in a public place that I was all too familiar with.

When I arrived at the destination, he had a cute little picnic prepared. I thought to myself ‘what a weirdo’ (there’s no sweet bone in my body), yet I sat down and engaged in his stupid conversation. He was completely nervous and everything in me wanted to laugh but, I kept the conversation flowing until I felt it was time for me to go. We stood up and I bid him farewell and before I could even end my sentence, his lips touched mine.

Why in the hell does this man have his lips on mine?

Disregarding the fact that I had no idea who he was for real, I thought… THIS MAN’S LIPS ARE TOUCHING MINE.

As I stepped back with my fist balled up, ready to punch him dead in his eye he became extremely apologetic and had the nerve to say “I’m sorry baby, I thought that’s what you wanted”.

PAUSE.

50 different thoughts began to race through my mind as I tried to figure out how I was going to make sure that this man suffers for the rest of his life because he made his lips touch mine. The thug in me was ready to go to work but the new me kept holding me back. This new me gets on my nerves sometimes, she won’t let me live a little and put people in their place. However, she is a constant reminder that I am an adult and jail time won’t do anything for my image.

Homeboy is lucky Princess Nneji held me back that day but if I turn my phone back on regular mode and this man calls my phone one more time…he’ll have to hear from Thug Misses before I block him forever.

Nneji

WWYWD