[ deep breath ]

My name is Yetti, and I am a recovering/recovered self-mutilator.

Yes, you heard me, and yes I posted this post.

I posted this post knowing most wouldn’t care. I posted this post knowing more than a few would judge me. I posted this post knowing some of my real friends would be in shock. I posted this post knowing I’d lose readers. I posted this post knowing I’d be judged. I posted this post hoping it would reach a young girl on tumblr, who wrote the most heart wrenching post I have ever seen in my life, showing pictures of her scarred body, followed by the date and time of her soon to be death. I posted this post to shed some light on self-mutilation to the foolish individuals bashing that same girl with their replies pushing her further to edge. I posted this for people that don’t understand the issue.

It’s not a cry for attention. It’s not done for pictures. It’s not done to be the topic of discussion. It’s an addiction. Just like smoking cigarettes, drugs, and sex. Cutting is a terrible coping method that turns into an addiction. I don’t know why and how others do it, but for me I’d cut myself, starve myself, peel off my skin, to punish myself for not being perfect. I did it whenever someone or something showed displeasure in me or my actions. I needed to punish myself for not doing better. I did it for things I had no control over, for not being pretty enough, for not being chosen for XYZ. I did it and felt temporary relief afterwards knowing that I had punished myself. Then I’d tell myself I’d do better.

I hate that people think that going to seek help will fix everything. It doesn’t. Going to a psychologist will help one figure out why they are doing it, but it’s the person that ultimately makes the decision to stop. If I provide you a red sweater… it doesn’t mean you will wear it. It’s not as simple as people may think it is. It’s a great psychological battle that isn’t going to to be fixed overnight and by people thinking this way and being insensitive to the situation makes it 10 times worse.

I was addicted to self-mutilation for 8 years and though I no longer practice it, I do sometimes get the urge. It wasn’t until friends were proactive about making me stop that I realized that there were better ways to deal with my self-esteem issues. But once again they didn’t make me stop… I made me stop. And this was well after seeing a psychologist. Watching people go to great lengths in to hide sharp objects, remembering my little brothers face at the hospital when I overdosed, the look of concern on my mother’s face. All of these things and more made me stop myself.

Now I’m not saying everyone should walk on egg-shells around a cutter, though I do advise you to watch your words and who you say them to. I simply wanted to bring it to the attention of those that care that you should educate yourself on the problem before attempting to help or attacking someone.

Yetti