I remember reading something my aunt wrote a few years ago. At the time, she was a newlywed and was just exiting the infatuation phase of marriage. She discussed things that her husband would do that would frustrate her, because in most areas they were so different. The story she told was about a time that he went grocery shopping for the house. You see, my aunt was, and always has been, very particular about what she wanted. And on grocery lists, she didn’t just put “ketchup”, but she also listed the brand as well. However, on that particular day, Uncle Matt came home with the store brand version of the ketchup my aunt had asked for and it grinded her gears so much that she felt compelled to write about it.

Uncle Matt thought he was being helpful and thought his decision to go the store brand route was him “shopping smart”. Out of consideration, he figured that since they’d be saving money, she’d in fact appreciate him and be much more happy with that. Well, she wasn’t. (Hehe). And through writing on her blog about how upset she was, she paused and realized that she married this man not because he did things just like her, but because he was her mirror. — He showed her a different way of seeing things that she couldn’t see without him in front of her.

When even considering a significant other, I always find myself wanting to be with someone just like me. I often think that that’s what a “mirror” meant, you know, seeing someone as your equal. Maybe it’s just me but before I look in the mirror, I usually have a good sense of what I probably look like, what needs to be fixed, and what I shouldn’t bother fixing because it’s perfectly fine as is. But depending on the situation and day, I could be totally off! Thinking I look awesome, but my eyeliner is smudged. Or thinking I need to fix my hair, but it realizing that it actually looks great.

We go to mirrors for correction. To see the things in us that we need to change or keep exactly the same. A mirror symbolizes something constructive. And I’m realizing that that’s exactly what it means to find someone you call your “mirror”. They won’t always show you what you want to see, but whenever they do show you, it’s with a genuine intent to help you change for the positive. And on the days where you feel like you may not be that “awesome”, they’re there to remind you just how great you are.

That’s such a beautiful thing.

For the life of me I couldnt figure out why past guys didn’t really do it for me. I felt no growth as an individual. When I thought about it, it was because I was choosing guys that I was so similar to – which is fun at first, bur quickly gets boring because no one is changing, growing, evolving. It wasn’t until recently that I took on a new challenge of trying to date, different. Someone who shows me new things I wouldn’t have naturally considered. Whether it be as simple as a type of music, or as complex as as becoming more vulnerable and expressing myself more.

At times, I freak out. I get scared of what I see. But I have come to realize that it’s a growing process and that with growth comes growing pains.

Mirrors are for any relationship- not just intimate ones. Look at your friends/family, I’m sure you can think of some mirrors; People you couldn’t have grown without knowing. People that are quick to show you the blemishes of who you are – all out of love. Keep those people around. And always remember, to reciprocate by being the best mirror you can,

for them.

Aaminah