So I met someone. We’ve been dating for a little over a year and it’s quite possible that I may just be “in love”. I find it funny because I’m 25 and just when I thought I had life figured out I was clearly wrong. I was never prepared for these type of feelings yet alone prepared for the damage that it could possibly cause.

We met at a kick back through mutual friends. It’s funny how there always seems to be that one person you just “click” with more than anyone else. He just happened to be that one. We talked, cracked jokes, and sitting here at this very moment typing this I would have never thought that I would feel this way about him let alone anyone else. We’re not in a relationship but we act like it. We joke about marriage and kids and what they would look like, but neither one of us wants a commitment because we both feel that it will jinx everything and go downhill from there. For the past 3 months, the topic “love” keeps coming up and he swears that I am in love with him as opposed to just having love for him. My secret is that I have never been in love. I’m a twenty-five year old woman who’s never experienced any kind of feelings like that at all, so I wonder what’s the difference between being “in love” and just “loving” someone? I asked friends and I even asked mom, knowing that she would ask a billion questions about why I even asked.

One night, me and the mister were on the phone having debates about everything related to us. We fought because we both have insecurities from sucky past relationships. But I was completely shocked when he finally paused to tell me that we weren’t even meant to last and that right now we were just enjoying each other’s company. I was speechless and wondering where he came up with that assumption. It was quiet for 5 minutes and all I could do was question everything. If two people weren’t “meant to last” then why did we continue to date? Why didn’t we call it quits with every petty argument we had? Why did we say things like, “I miss you” and “you just might be the one”?

No relationship/friendship is perfect. Everything takes time and it’s a journey for everyone involved. Maybe he felt that way now because of the year’s ups and downs but I don’t think he realizes that all relationships fall short of perfection. I couldn’t even tell if I was mad or truly hurt by what he said, but I held back tears that I didn’t want him to hear. I knew tears would show weakness and I’ve always vowed to never let any guy get to me like that.
But he did.

When I least expected it he said “I’m just gonna say that I don’t want to hurt you… That’s why I’m scared to love you”. Then an awkward silence came over the phone and there was only silence. I layed in my bed shocked and full of mixed emotions but one thing was for certain I was truly in love with that man.

We moved on to the next subject until we both grew really sleepy and just before saying goodnight he said “I love you”. With butterflies in my stomach and feelings of joy consuming me, I went to say “I love you too” – except my phone died.

Valla