I’m not angry anymore.

I once was. I acknowledge that now. Behind polite smiles and contrived waves to a couple who claimed they weren’t a couple there was a lovelorn soul who didn’t wish them politeness or kindness.

His name was Konah and she was his ex.

I had no idea about her when I met him. We swooned over each other’s words in his father’s music store during a transaction for a record player I had my eyes on. With every visit to the store, I felt even more connected to him. During our last conversation at the store, I found myself staring at his half-naked body. He didn’t want his shirt to get dirty as he moved things around and I told him he didn’t need to explain or apologize — not for the sight he gave to my eyes.

We became friends quickly. After exchanging numbers, we didn’t miss a second to send each other a text. And that night we spent an hour on the phone and he got caught up in my rendition of Miguel’s “Adorn”. We did some bowling one afternoon, got some sandwiches another, and on a day that wasn’t a good one for me, he offered to take me to get my favorite food. We sat in his car at Sonic and stuffed our mouths with double cheeseburgers and talked about our pasts. His was a dark one filled with stories about how he never loved. I saw a red flag and my interest sort of dwindled. And as he dropped me off at my house later that night and told me his life was shit so he couldn’t bring someone into it right now I told him that I understood. I was slightly disappointed but only slightly because I had no desire to teach a boy how to love me when I knew someone who was ready to be a man could.

We remained friends. We still hung out on a regular basis and talked frequently. He gave me old records for my player and offered me rides home as a way to spend time with me when our schedules began to collide. There was no question that I would invite him to my birthday celebration because he had become someone really important to me. That night at dinner we let our bare legs touch each other underneath the table while staring at each other, hungrily. He paid for dinner and took me home. It was then that he confessed how much he felt for me, how happy I made him by being in his vicinity, and how he wanted to really get to know me before taking things a step further.

I was taken aback. I had no idea that all of that emotion was hidden behind friendly smiles and conversations between friends. And the table flirting? I had attributed it to me being tipsy and him entertaining me. But he felt what we had tried to bury long ago when he first told me his life was shit.

That night we made out in the car like teenagers and from then on we were inseparable. I suppose I should have noticed things felt too good to be true. Apparently his past wasn’t exactly in his past..she was right in his present. Living with him. As his roommate.

But surely I wasn’t about to give up this great guy just because of his unsavory living arrangements? Nope. Especially when I was given a date upon which she was moving out, which was when school started back up. As time went on, statements were revealed as lies before truths were unmasked and told: an abusive courtship, the fact that they had dated for eight months and had only broken up three days prior to my birthday celebration, and that the whole time we were friends and just being honest, I was the only one really remaining loyal to that concept. Having a girlfriend and failing to disclose that until after you two break up eight months later is called lying. And then subsequently saying that she’s out of the house once the semester starts and knowing full well the whole time she is on a waiting list is also called lying.

It suddenly dawned on me that he was doing certain things to appease me enough that I could be kept on a string once he cut the other girl loose. He hated to be alone. I would be the remedy once he severed the relationship completely. It’s what he had done to her and what he had done with her while he was in a relationship with the woman before her.

I was pissed. Livid. I felt betrayed. I felt like the person I had grown to like and care for so much couldn’t be who I thought he was if he was capable of such deceit, a mere inches away from the woman who wore the title at the time. How could I be expected to be so arrogant that I wouldn’t think he could potentially one day do the same thing to me?

So I couldn’t. I wouldn’t.

I was angry. But I’m not angry anymore. I can officially say that now and mean it with my heart and soul. Karma’s a b-, she’ll bite him. If she hasn’t already….

Sheriden