An unordinary email, on an ordinary day, floated through my inbox and the subject automatically caught my attention, “Can I Date Him?”
My first thought was: Can you date who?
Naturally, I assumed that this was spam, until my eyes darted over to the sender’s name. The email was from an old friend. Still completely clueless as to what to expect, I opened the email. She and I had not communicated in months. Once we both moved to different states our relationship just sort of dwindled. No beef, no drama, it just didn’t remain strong.
As I skimmed through the nearly one page email (I needed to get a general overview ASAP), I realized that the initial question posed was real. She was serious! She wanted my blessing to date my ex-boyfriend. The email detailed the entire origin of their new-found interest in each other. Including the way that they were coincidentally living in the same city and running into each other on a regular basis. She went on to recount how they first bumped into one another at a mutual friend’s party. I was getting the feeling that this broad was trying to play this situation like it was some divine coincidence and it was meant to be—spare me the drama.
I couldn’t help but think: did this trick have her eye on my ex the whole time that we were dating? I mean, was she accidentally rubbing her big butt up against him while we were at the club, throwing him a little wink with some lip action during game nights, all the while I’m standing by looking stupid? Hell, I really didn’t know! I wondered if she emailed me on her own or if they had discussed their shenanigans and conspired first.
Said ex and I had dated for well over a year. We were as serious as two young adults should be. Our break up was amicable, and who knows, maybe one day later on in life we could have rekindled. I was pissed.
I mean let’s just think about me for a moment. When the email hit my inbox this girl was single, and trying not to feel lonely. But this former friend (notice how I changed her status) wanted my blessing to date my ex…skip her and the little bus that her big a** rolled in on!
I decided to reply to her email though. The body of my email was simple. It only consisted of one word, “NO.” I mean really, did I need to say anymore? That was simply how I felt. With all of the men in the world don’t go fishing for someone who has already tested out my deep blue sea. Am I wrong? Do you think that it’s ok to date a girlfriend’s ex?
Ahyiana Angel is a Cali girl who turned the Manhattan streets into her playground. As a freelance writer for xoJane.com, SingleBlackMale.org, Joint Interest and more, she is known among friends for giving her unsolicited opinion, hence the creation of the blog, Life According to Her. This sassy storyteller—a former sports entertainment publicist at the National Basketball Association (NBA)—is anticipating the release of her first novel Preseason Love in 2014. Ups and downs with dating, love, sex, and friendships inspired her to create a lane of her own where she can talk crap (her blog) and collect her thoughts (her first novel). Angel loves traveling—especially frolicking in Caribbean sands getting her bronzy glow just right—embarking on new adventures, and she’s obsessed with crime drama series but scared of her own shadow. // From A Wildflower, Featured Writer
January 9, 2014
I thought the last paragraph was hilarious. Plain and simple NO!#awildflower
January 9, 2014
I think this is crazy because I feel like I am going though something like this right now… !! This guy whom my friend dated and i witness them dating once i seen a kiss from them started talking to me and has mention it to her saying you no he said “hey whats up” which led to drama between them that he later told me about… like a day or two later… we kinda talk he seem nice harmless until he asked me look your a good girl want to be my woman … in the moment i was like hmmm he’s nice I’m single and he said he didn’t want him.. so why not I said “yes” .. I no i wasn’t thinking but then i was like hold up my friend is a lot more then this so i said my my slice and deleted him and blocked him … am I still wrong about this..???
January 9, 2014
If anything baby girl has guts for even asking and even though it’s the friend rule you don’t date your friends ex’s at least she asked but at the end of the day the answer is no and she should have known that before even asking.
January 9, 2014
That last paragraph was too funny. I definitely 100% agree that friends should not date each others ex’s. I mean, the second you know we’re seriously talking you better look at him and see a Igor looking morphed ugly mo’fo – that’s how uninterested you need to be. If we’re friends.
I like that she asked though, probably wasn’t easy to do. She could’ve much easily done it behind your back and let you find out when she posted a cuffing picture on Instagram. But to play devils advocate, if you’re living in another state what are the chances that they’ll respect your wishes? I wish you nothing but the best, & if you find that she took your leftovers I hope you walk away with your head held high ready to get cookin’ a new scrumptious thing!
January 9, 2014
I’m going to offer up a different opinion and say, why not? You keeping him in mental storage isn’t stopping him from moving on, and if it’s not her, it would be someone else. Instead of worrying about who your ex is dating, you could be out and about, meeting new people in your new city, and changing that “lonely” status to “occupied and busy” whether it is with a new boo, or new friends. Don’t miss what is meant for you by holding on to what you don’t have anymore. If it’s meant for you to rekindle with this guy, other people will never be able to get in the way of that. And on the flip side, if it was meant for you to still be with him, wouldn’t that also be the case?
I know it’s hard to feel replaced, and wonder what kind of intentions your friend had the in the first place, but you can’t lay claim to an entire person for forever. Homegirl did the right thing by bringing it up, but perhaps instead of asking, she should have just said “I wanted to be honest, I’m seeing so and so.” because I doubt your email will stop her.
January 9, 2014
you took the words right out of my mouth!
January 10, 2014
Exactly. That friend was dating him before that email sent. Asking was just to show yo she considered your feelings. Shady, but she’s gonna do what she wants to do. Loved this blog!
January 9, 2014
My ex is currently married to my cousin and I have no issues with that. Things didn’t work out with us and I don’t think she was plotting behind my back to take him from me either. At the end of day, we weren’t compatible but they were. Plus, I had happily moved on and married my husband. Yes, it was awkward at first, but doesn’t everyone deserve happiness? A shot at love?
The situation is what is. I chose to be an adult about it and take myself out of the equation. What they have has nothing to do with what we had. Life isn’t always going to be black and white. Sometimes, you have to know how to navigate the grey areas too.
January 9, 2014
Hell to the naw! lol It’s never okay in my eyes. If they are any type of friend they would completely understand or not ever think about that in the first place. I could never knowingly sleep with, have emotions for or love someone my best friend or friend had a relationship with. It’s like sharing the same person at the same time. That’s so wrong!
January 9, 2014
Lmao!! And I’m not even mad at that “no”. Hell, I said it with you. Read over it twice and repeated myself just so we were all on the same page.
I NEVER ever liked the idea of friends dating exes. Ever ever. And yes, they had something going on longer than they would like to admit.
January 20, 2014
its part of the girl code! plain and simple, HELL NO!!! Not to be bitter but its gross! or i may have said, yes and put her in the category of an EX-FRIEND!
February 14, 2014
you did the right thing. i would have done the same….go girl！