What happens when a friendship turns a corner and you realize that you have come to the end of the road? Folks (including me) say, “End the relationship amicably. You don’t wanna burn any bridges.” But lately, the way things have transpired with some women in my life, I’ve decided that I’m gonna let the bridge burn.

As I get older, the details of my life weave together in more intricate ways than when I was just a homegirl fresh out of college.  Now, I’m a wife and mother of two boys. My husband is a resident physician with a crazy schedule, which makes me the primary parent.  PTA meetings, birthday parties, play dates, field trips and family vacations all get sandwiched into my schedule along with the responsibilities that come with building a fulfilling career and mentoring other young women in  my personal and professional pursuits.

Although I have several moving parts to manage, I’m still the friend that will pick up the phone to just say, “I love you,” or surprise one of my girls with something that I saw at a little boutique and thought she would love. I’m the friend who takes pride in my girlfriends accomplishments and will willingly step up to help in any way I can to ensure that they achieve their latest endeavor. In short, I love hard and I want folks to win. Furthermore, I really try to be the type of friend that I want to have. So I was extremely disappointed when a few of my friends who I thought would be there for me when I needed them most were no longer anywhere to be found.

When stuff started hitting the fan, I.WAS.LIVID!  I couldn’t believe that women that I had loved so deeply were showing themselves to be some of the most disloyal, dishonest women that I’d seen in a long time.  I mean with everything going on in my life, including trying to get myself together after having a baby, I was having a really hard time wrapping my head around their selfishness. They felt completely justified in sharing how they “felt some type of way” about my inability, no wait I’m sorry… my decision to not return phone calls to… wait for it… “just chat”.

Just.chat!? Are you f’ing kidding me?! I don’t chat! Ok… ok, maybe sometimes I chat. But mostly, I text. I email. I have brunch. I host and feed you while you kiss a baby. I discuss ideas while children are sleeping. But I don’t chat! It’s not because I don’t want too, but more so that I can’t!  I’m usually sharing a space with either a 6 year old whose wearing a cape and snow boots and is riding his scooter in the name of chasing down bad guys or a baby who can’t decide if he wants to leap on to the scooter with his brother or just chill and drink a bottle, or both. Either way, there’s certainly no time or head space to, “just chat”.  When they finally go to sleep, there’s my husband who I have to get to know for the day. Then there’s my work, which requires another level of my attention. So while I do find time to see my lovely girlfriends, it’s not centered around random chats and they should get that, single and married.

But for some reason, these women didn’t and I’m over it! I’m not at all interested in coddling, reassuring or convincing needy girlfriends that I really am who I say I am, and have previously demonstrated myself to be consistently!  Fo’ heavensakes, I have three more people ahead of them!  I’m so over people being so super sensitive about my limitations to better serve themselves, when they’re not doing anything to add value to me or my family when it counts.

I mean really, WTF!  How can people be so self-absorbed? Why would I be interested at all in salvaging unfair relationships like the ones I’ve described? I wouldn’t. I just wouldn’t, and I won’t. I’m doing my best to put one foot in front of the other and I’m giving everything I’ve got to live an honorable life that encourages my sons and anyone who crosses my path to live a fulfilled life that is bathed in purpose. So when someone who calls herself a friend doesn’t get that and instead wants to b’ and moan about me not returning a few phone calls at her earliest convenience, the best response I can muster up is to ‘kick rocks with open toe shoes.”

I think a big part of letting go of relationships that no longer serve you is rooted in a new willingness to love yourself more; to honor the gems that you offer in a friendship; and to respect your needs as much as the next person’s. I think I had it twisted cuz I was always willing to put everyone ahead of me. “Sure, I’ll help with the cover letter”, “No problem, I’ll look over your resume”, “Absolutely, I’ll coach you for your audition”, “Yea sure, you can use me as a reference”.

Whether I was inconvenienced or not, I was there when they needed me. But when my alarm went off, and I couldn’t be as available because of my new baby and responsibilities, there was no understanding or even a desire to help. So, what should I do with that? What would you do with that?  I mean, the level of friendship that I desired they couldn’t give, and that’s cool, right? “Do you, boo” is the popular statement of our generation, so ok- cool. I’m gonna do me and the first step is chucking the deuces, making a swift about face and letting the bridge burn.

The initial thought of burning the bridge and leaving behind those that I once dubbed “my homies” was something that I really wrestled with. But now, as I stand on the other side, I happily wave goodbye to the pain, heartache, sadness, confusion, unfairness, disloyalty and lies.  As the bridge burns, I walk away hopeful that the next bridge I build will be one so strong and long-lasting that even another generation of young women will be able to crossover as they walk their road to becoming champions.

Yes, I’m burning the bridge, crossing over and looking ahead. And as I move forward, I’m hopeful that I will align with more women who are madly in love with themselves and with their work; women who value true friendship and can honor the various seasons of their girlfriends’ lives. I want to walk with women who are smarter, braver and wiser than me; women who have faced adversity in ways I haven’t, but have learned life lessons that will help to further ground me in my purpose. Simultaneously, I want to pour into those women’s lives. I want to serve them and be a value add to their process, businesses, and families in the best ways that I can. I want to walk with champions and SOAR.

Latasha