So at first I wanted to talk about this big ol’ secret I’ve been keeping for a little over a year now, but y’all are not ready for that. HA! Trust me when I tell you. So I’m just going to go ahead and talk about my disdain for the l-word which is actually my fear of falling in love and being left alone with a shattered heart.

I’m 20 and some change and have never been in a relationship. High school relationships do not count. Heck, I barely had any of those to begin with. I’m the type of chick that likes to kick it with no relations or physical contact. I don’t even bother dating and prefer to just be friends. I make sure to let that be known. This ish has led me to being the “other” chick. I say “kind of” because I don’t deal with guys to the magnitude of being a true side chick. I guess you say I put myself into the home-girl role, the good ol’ friend zone. I feel that dating leads to relationships which leads to the possibility of falling in love. I ain’t for that love sh*t.

So why am I so terrified of love? I have witnessed people around me get dragged through the mud, thrown in a fire, and beaten to a pulp by the ultimate lows of love. Heartbreak. I’ve witnessed good friends fall into mildly deep depressions or quickly hop into even worse situations as a means to heal, all because of love and heartbreak. I even had guy friends call me boo-hooing over some broad. Though I often replied with a giggle or a stern “Man up!”, it hit me how badly love could damage a person. Grown ass men at that. If that’s a part of love, I do not want to experience any of that shit. No m’am! I just know I’d be one hot ass mess of a mess, a complete train and car collision if I were to ever fall in love.

I know there’s a beautiful side to love, but that doesn’t last forever. The heartbreak and disappointment are sure to come. Right? I’m just not ready for it. I don’t know if I ever will be. Love leaves you wide open and vulnerable. My guard isn’t willing to be let down for such a possibility. I know this has led me to come across as cold and ill-hearted in the eyes of many. I have to do what I need to to keep my love muscle and sanity in tact.

Shacs