The signs keep coming; I need to stop being such a chicken.

I need to stop being scared to fail and scared of getting things wrong.

I need to quit playing small and trying to blend in with the crowd.

I have dreams I want to fulfil, places I want to see and things I want to experience.

I want to make a difference and I want to leave a legacy. I want to contribute to society in some way – particularly to women and young people.

There is a lot I feel strongly about, yet I only express my thoughts and emotions with people very close to me.

To say my self-expression is stifled – muffled even – is a huge understatement.

I have skills and talents, yet I keep them held close to me at all times and I am very selective with where and how I use them.

Reading the book Afeni Shakur: Evolution of a Revolutionary recently has had a significant impact on me.

Learning about Afeni’s life experiences was both moving and inspiring. She is the ultimate definition of fierce!

Prior to reading the book, I knew very little about her other than that she was the mother of the infamous Tupac Shakur and that she had some involvement in the Black Panther Party Movement back in the sixties.

Whenever I had seen photos of her, she always appeared to be a very mild mannered woman. She seemed to have a completely different temperament to her son.

However it quickly became clear to me that my view of Afeni was completely inaccurate and that Tupac is, without a shadow of a doubt, his mother’s child. His behaviour, his views, his passion – it all made sense to me once I learned about his mother, Afeni.

Afeni was heavily involved in the Black Panther Party Movement so I instantly admired her. I have always been inspired by the courage, commitment and sheer fearless of the Black Panthers.

For me the Panthers represent the kind of conviction I want to live my life with. To commit to something I believe in so strongly that I’m willing to die for it.

Afeni has experienced so much in her life – an abusive father, police brutality and injustice, poverty, drug abuse and losing her son while still in his prime – yet she has overcome every obstacle to emerge even stronger.

Here I am afraid to write a blog post, to authentically share my thoughts on minor issues and concerns, and I’m reading about a woman who despite her circumstances, fought fearlessly and ferociously and was willing to die for what she believed in and for the freedom and justice of an entire race.

I know Afeni’s story is just one of many of the women who fought for the rights of black people, and who still do but for some reason her story resonated with me.

It was as though she was indirectly telling me to get over myself.

Afeni’s story highlighted to me that I live my life focused on my fears rather than being committed to a cause (my goals and aspirations).

I feel sorry for myself and I lack consistency because I’m afraid to step out of the crowd and into my own power. I am confident in my own little world, but doing it on a global scale is terrifying – but so was taking on the entire white race in the sixties – and Afeni still did it!

Life is hard. I will always face challenges and setbacks, because that is the nature of life. It is not a reason to give up and stop believing in myself or my dreams. Adversity helps us to learn, grow and develop. Of course it’s not nice when you’re going through the challenging times, however as Afeni’s story demonstrates, life goes on, and the hard times do not last forever.

I have no reason not to be committed to my life and the legacy I wish to create.

There are people facing adversity daily yet they still get up each day and fight for what they believe in and give it their all. Whether it’s raising their children, climbing the career ladder, building a business or leading a global movement, these people use setbacks, challenges and obstacles to grow and fuel their beliefs. Hiding is not a consideration and quitting is never an option.

So what excuse do I have?

The truth is I have plenty of excuses, but they’re all just lame reasons based on fear.

Afeni taught me to stand up and be counted; to make my life matter and to make a difference, even if it’s just to a small group of people.

She taught me that even if life becomes so bad that you can’t see a way back – there’s always a way through.

Thank you Afeni for sharing your story and being the strong woman that you are. You are a true inspiration and if I can live my life with an ounce of the conviction you have lived your life with, I know I will fulfil my dreams and leave a legacy that will benefit women and young people for generations to come.

That is my aim and my commitment.

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Leanne Lindsey
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