“Tamika you’re so black and white. You never see the gray in anything,” a friend once said to me. Feeling that it was irrelevant, I dismissed the comment and never gave it a second thought.

But recently I came across an article that was about seeing the gray in situations. The article caused me to think about said comment on a deeper level. A level that would help me understand the point my friend was trying to make, and also help me understand my personality better.

I have come to realize that I really do only deal with things in black and white, with minimal shades of gray. I like when things are straight up and honest. With me it’s either this or that, because in my mind it can’t possibly be both. My black and white mind frame comes from a desire to take everyone’s word as it is (even though that hasn’t always worked in my favor). It also comes from the annoyance of dealing with people who use that grey area as a way to be wishy-washy.

Call me crazy, but I like clarity. When you tell me one thing, I believe it and there is no possible way for it to be anything else. Too many shades of gray brings about ambiguity. People who can’t ever make a decision or sway with the wind in order to fit in rub me the wrong way. That is a lifestyle I will never understand. For that reason I tend to have better relationships with people who have no problem saying what they mean and standing for it…people similar to me.

In my personal experience, that gray area is a source of confusion. And that’s why I usually tend to ignore it and aim for one side or the other, without swaying in between both.

Lately, a little piece of me has started to acknowledge the gray in situations. I now see that the black and white approach isn’t always the best way of reasoning. So I’m working on it. I’m working on training my mind to understand that people think differently than I. I’m also working on recognizing that my way of thinking is not a character flaw. In the end it’s what makes me, me. It’s who I am.

Tamika Burgess is an NYC based writer, blogger, and editor. Her articles have been featured on various sites and she is a contributor for For Women, To Women. She is also the force behind The Essence of Me; where she blogs about all things that catch her attention and sparks a reaction. // Twitter

Image Source: “Mousseline Noire”, Elle France, August 1990 // Photographer: Chico Bialas