Don’t Want A King, Don’t Want To Be Your Queen
I’m not exactly sure when the “I’m waiting for my king” or the “I’m a queen” rhetoric started to run rampant on social media. I just never bought into these ideologies when it came to my potential relationships, my self-image or whatever else to which it’s meant to apply.
I assume the innocent pit at the core of these mantras is the goal of unconditional respect and love, either to someone else or to yourself. But, excuse me while I take a closer look at the semantics.
king: (n.) a male sovereign or monarch; a man who holds by life tenure, and usually by hereditary right, the chief authority over a country and people.
queen: (n.) a woman, or something personified as a woman, that is foremost or preeminent in any respect: a movie queen; a beauty queen; Athens, the queen of the Aegean.
It should not take me burning my bra for anyone to understand that no one has chief authority over me. That pretty much strikes a hot red “X” through any chance of wanting a “king.” Consequently, I do not want or need to be the foremost or preeminent in any respect. Or, at least I do not need a title to denote the level of respect I require in a relationship, a friendship or of myself.
I crave the kind of relationship that is a democracy, not a monarchy. I do not think someone should revere or fear me the way I think of when I consider kings and queens. Instead, I want to be a partner, someone seen as an equal. I want to be someone who is just as capable of giving the very love that I’m capable of receiving. I don’t want or need to be worshipped; I just need to be loved.
When it pertains to how I view myself, I’m a bit more forgiving of the bullshit stinking up the “queen” mantra, but not by much. I live with myself day after day and it’s hard to think of yourself as a “queen” when you know just how much you sweat or just how much you swear or just how much you screw up. I see myself every day and I know all of the effort it takes to be me, day to day, start to finish. I believe it’s that understanding of yourself in totality that fosters self-respect, not some recycled mantra that you are a “queen.”
I don’t want a king. I want a partner. A friend. A nurturer. I want someone to sit next to me on the sofa during a random Wednesday night while we drink and laugh and reminisce.
I don’t want to be your queen. I want to be your partner. Your friend. Your nurturer. Hell, I just want to be the woman who shoves a mouthguard in at night to avoid grinding her teeth. I want to be the woman with an affinity for f-bombs. I want to be the woman who is given the space and freedom to fall down nine times and stand back up ten. I want to be seen as someone who is human and perfectly flawed, not someone to whom you should bow down independent of the circumstance.
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Tyece is the creator of Twenties Unscripted where she writes a sincere, sassy and sometimes smart-assy take on growing up. You can follow her @tyunscripted.
May 15, 2014
I get what you are saying, but at the same time, I feel as if simply being a woman, automatically regards you as being a queen. We are not asking to be worshiped, but just to be given the respect and treatment of a queen. The fact that you know it takes a lot of effort to make it through your days and you come out still standing, makes you a queen. A king and a queen are partners. They rule together .. side by side. I don’t think you should down play any woman who wants to think of herself as being a queen.