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If the shoe doesn’t fit…

Remember that scene in Sex & The City where Carrie was inside the Vogue Magazine closet and she found those cute Manolo Blahnik Mary Jane pumps that were not her size? Carrie was so determined to get her feet into those shoes, which were too small for her, however Carrie (just like myself)… was determined to make them fit. This would describe my previous love life, relationship status or sit-chee-ation that I was in back in the day.

See, I knew he didn’t “fit me” but I’ll be damned if we didn’t look good together. He was that smooth brother that would melt every female’s heart but I knew deep inside that he didn’t have anything to offer me. All he had to offer was his good looks, great sex and a few broken promises here and there. Anything else was just not happening and at the time I was looking for something more than just sex. And he… he was looking for whatever it was he was looking for. He was older and I was younger and my young mind didn’t know any better than being with him and putting up with the baggage he came with. Just like Carrie’s shoe, he didn’t fit me and I knew this but I couldn’t just let him go that easy.

Mama use to say…

“If the shoe doesn’t fit- DON’T WEAR THEM. You know that man ain’t for you so stop ‘trying him on’ hoping one day he’ll fit.” As females we can ask for all the advice in the world but ultimately it is up to us if we take it and follow through. I was one of those females that needed to vent to my friends or mother and ask them what was wrong when I already knew the answer was my damn self. I was the problem.

See it’s funny that the one and only person that will truly understand you and will not sugar coat anything is your mother and one thing I knew about mine is that she wasn’t one for games. When she starts her talk with “LISTEN” you better believe that she is about to tell you something that you already know. Mother knows best but at the time the young me wasn’t ready to give him up just that quick. So just like them perfect Manolo Mary Jane’s I would try him on every once in a while hoping that he’d fit until one day…

I stopped looking through those designer shades and instead looked through my glasses.

One day I took off my shades, placed on my glasses and noticed that those shoes did not fit at all and they hurt my feet like crazy. Who was I trying to fool; I would never get a good wear out of these shoes so why bother even try?

TRANSLATION: “Girl he is NOT the one. All he does is hurt you and he ain’t even all that. He’s good to look at but that’s just about it. Just look at him and keep on walkin’”

When I finally looked with my new found vision, everything seemed so clear to me. See the lust-shades only added a filter to what and who I thought he was and we all know what filters do ladies… they alter the perception to what and who you really are. With the shades on I couldn’t see anything. All I saw was this man that I thought was good for me- which was someone that didn’t even fit me. Unlike Carrie, I stopped trying to get them/him to fit me. I threw those shoes away, kept on moving and didn’t look back.

Three years later…

I made sure the shoe fit.

Tammy
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