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I don’t know when it happened.
I used to be carefree, uninhibited and fun.
Now, all of my moves are calculated, written down and checked off of a daily to-do list.
My decisions are orchestrated by the self-mandated opinions of others.

It’s not their fault.

I blame myself for seeking constant validation, because my logic certainly can’t be viable without confirmation from those I trust, right?
When did I become so unsure of myself?
Does caution come with age, more responsibility?
Is it the fear of making a complete ass of myself, proving that I can’t handle this “adult thing?”

I’ve become a people pleaser, but who am I trying to please? Who am I frontin’ for?

I’m constantly trying to fix things, throwing an “Under Construction” sign on the front page to indicate a change is in progress.

I’ve deemed it an identity crisis. But I’ve embraced it. The questions I presented warrant answers and every day I face the challenge of accepting my past and championing my fears.
I’m not perfect.

I’ve made tons of dumb decisions and destined to make plenty more.
I have insecurities that I have to overcome every single day.
I’m constantly confronted with my fears, testing and defying the limits of my comfort zone.
I have character flaws. I’m a perfectionist. Selfish. Overly critical, of myself more than others.

But by identifying these things I’m regaining my confidence, no longer soliciting others’ advice, throwing caution to the wind and finally realizing that who I am at this very moment is enough.

Latoya